What's your favorite limerick?

Here's a couple of mine...

from JoeUser Forums
I've recently written a couple of limerick movie reviews, and it seems to be spreading....

So, try these on for size, and then pass one of your favorites along if you've got one, or write your own.

King Richard in one of his rages,
Forsook his good lady for ages,
But rested in bed,
With a good book instead,
Or preferably one of the pages

Or this one.....Attributed to Issac Asimov of all people

There once was a girl from Peru,
Who swore that she never would screw,
Except under stress,
Of forceful duress,
like "I'm ready, how about you?"
humor
19,126 views 29 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Here's the one from Bridget Jones's Diary:

There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She lay on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling.

And here's one I wrote for a class (sorry, it's not dirty, but I thought it was clever for rhyming french words):

Piscator, Polly, and Dieudonne
Got on a boat and headed to Calais
They went to a pub,
Sat down for some grub,
And woke up next morning in bouillabaisse.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
There was a young lady named Brent,
With a c*%t of enormous extent,
And so deep and so wide,
The acoustics inside,
Were so good you could hear when you spent.
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
lol spc...my favorite has something to do with "Nantucket"...I'm easily amused...lol
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
And as for the bucket...nan took it?
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Oh, you're just asking for trouble here....
I've written a fairly sizable number, many of which are undeniably filthy.
Like this one:

A curious beast is the cat;
It's quiet, aloof, and like that,
but just try to put
your dick up its butt
and it screams, yowls, bites, hisses, and scats.

This one I didn't write (nor do I know who did), but it's so good I just have to include it:

Said the Wolf to young Red, "Now don't pout;
You will soon be my dinner, no doubt!"
Said young Red, "'pon my soul!
Will you then eat me whole?"
"Oh no, I will spit that part out!"
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Good one, here's another I found on a similar subject....i.e...animial love

There once was a man named Mctavish,
Who attempted an anthropoid ravish,
But the object of rape,
was the wrong sex of ape,
And the anthropoid ravished Mctavish.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
A sperm all alack and forsooth
seeking it's moment of sexual truth
and when the time came
to rush into the game
It was dashed to it's death on a tooth!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
How 'bout this one from Cider House Rules
There was a young man of Bombay,
Who fashioned a c&^T out of clay,
But the heat of his prick,
Turned it into a brick,
And chafed all his foreskin away.

Anyone know this one? I can't remember, it starts
Titian while painting rose madder,
His model reclined on a ladder.....
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Don't know that one, but I just wrote these two....

There was once a tyrannical trucker;
At his birth he was named Richard Tucker.
By the men he was feared,
but the women all sneered;
they called him "needle Dick, the bug fucker."

A good limerick's a wonderful treat,
with thirteen anapestical feet.
And the words that you say
rhyme A A B B A;
It's the form used by all the elite.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
to my eternal shame, here is mine ....


there once was a man who liked sewers
so much he fell in one and died
a coronial view
said he'd drowned in the poo
so they called it a 'sewerside'

ugh ! sorry ! *slinks away*

vanessa/mig XX
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
The Limerick Doctors can assist you, mig! You've got a fine idea there, just needs a little cleaning up (so to speak):

A man who loved sewers once tried
to crawl in one, but slipped down and died.
Well, the coroner's writ
said he'd drowned in the shit
and declared it to be 'sewercide'.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
The Limerick Doctors can assist you, mig! You've got a fine idea there, just needs a little cleaning up (so to speak):


'cleaning up' ? *groans*

A man who loved sewers once tried
to crawl in one, but slipped down and died.
Well, the coroner's writ
said he'd drowned in the shit
and declared it to be 'sewercide'.


i love it !. i love it !. why aren't you famous ?


vanessa/mig XX
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sweet Vanessa was having a smash
reading verse citahellion dashed
off. Asked, "Why aren't you famous?"
his answer was lamest:
"I'm good, but I'm no Ogden Nash."
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ouch....here goes, my first new one today,

My cats are all cute furry thugs
Killing gophers and unsightly bugs,
But dead things aren't as crass,
As them dragging their ass,
Leaving skid marks on all of my rugs.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ewww . . . that was very . . . ummm . . . vivid.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Here's an ode to the Texas Wahine,
Though she thinks that my rhymes are obscene,
And believes that it's queer,
That I love to kill deer,
And dead geckos can make her turn green.
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
I have my very own limerick! I think I will print it out and frame it! Very nice.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
There once was a fellow from Boston,
Who bought himself a new Austin.
There was room for his ass,
and a gallon of gas.
But the rest hung out and he lost 'em.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ok then, how bout new variation of an old joke?

My bulldog is filled with malarkey,
When he goes for a drag through the parkey,
With no hind legs at all,
And two great shiny brass balls,
So the neighbor kids all call him Sparky!
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
There was once a young fellow called Porenj,
who got his balls caught in a door hinge.
Well his face turned quite blue,
and his nutsack did too,
and he screamed till his eyeballs turned orange.
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
My bulldog is filled with malarkey,


I've always wondered . . . what is malarkey?

Where would one aquire some malarkey?

Does Fred Harteis sell malarkey?
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sweet Vanessa was having a smash
reading verse citahellion dashed
off. Asked, "Why aren't you famous?"
his answer was lamest:
"I'm good, but I'm no Ogden Nash."


but you are, citahellion, you are !. and i am going to print and frame my limmerick, too !


and i have another lame one i stole from my friend justine:

there once was a lady from brewster
who had a damned noisy old rooster
she cut off it's head
made sure it was dead
and now it can't crow like it used 'ta

vanessa/mig XX
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
Malarkey-Slang. Exxagerated or foolish talk, usu. intended to decieve. [?] American Heritage Dictionary.
-Slang Foolish or insincere talk; nonsense. Websters Dictionary
Hang around, you're sure to pick some up.... not sure on pronounciation of his name, here goes....

One evening while searching for car keys,
Was kidnapped by disciples of Harteis,
But I haven't a fret,
Sold my soul to Biznet,
And a leg and an arm, which I now lease.
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
SPC Nobody Special: Ahhhh . . . so malarkey is another word for BS . . . that's very good to know. I certainly don't know anyone around JU who is full of malarkey!

One evening while searching for car keys,
Was kidnapped by disciples of Harteis,
But I haven't a fret,
Sold my soul to Biznet,
And a leg and an arm, which I now lease.


Very nice! Wouldn't it be great if he stumbled onto this site and discovered his limerick and the photos of him with Lynndie England? I'll bet he doesn't even realize that he pees pure champagne!
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well, I can't let the SPC be the only one to make a limerick for Texas Wahine...

There's a wonderful Texas Wahine,
She's as smooth as a vodka martini;
And Hawaii's her home,
where the surfer-gals roam--
Oh, just think of her in a bikini!