Funny Emails
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
READING
Sixteen days ago I read an article that said smoking can kill you;
The next day I stopped smoking.
Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you;
The next day I stopped eating red meat.
Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you;
The next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you;
This morning I stopped reading.
_________________________________________
FEMALE COMEBACKS
Man:Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man:So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man:Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized
Man:Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man:I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man:If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
____________________________________________
OIL SHORTAGE A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. ~~~ Well, there's a very simple answer. ~~~ Nobody bothered to check the oil. ~~~ We just didn't know we were getting low. ~~~ The reason for that is purely geographical. ~~~ Our OILis located in ~~~ Alaska ~~~ California ~~~ Louisiana ~~~ Oklahoma and TEXAS ~~~ ~~~ Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC!
Sixteen days ago I read an article that said smoking can kill you;
The next day I stopped smoking.
Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you;
The next day I stopped eating red meat.
Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you;
The next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you;
This morning I stopped reading.
_________________________________________
FEMALE COMEBACKS
Man:Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man:So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man:Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized
Man:Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man:I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man:If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
____________________________________________
OIL SHORTAGE A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. ~~~ Well, there's a very simple answer. ~~~ Nobody bothered to check the oil. ~~~ We just didn't know we were getting low. ~~~ The reason for that is purely geographical. ~~~ Our OILis located in ~~~ Alaska ~~~ California ~~~ Louisiana ~~~ Oklahoma and TEXAS ~~~ ~~~ Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC!
... all good...especially the first one.
I liked them all