Blonde Jokes

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from JoeUser Forums
The best ones I know are

1. A blonde was in a boat in a field. Another blonde was on the edge of the field and she said, "It's blondes like you who give the rest of us a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and slap you."

2. A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street. As they passed a flower shop the brunette looked inside and saw her boyfriend. She said to the blonde, "My damn boyfriend is buying me flowers again." The blonde asked, "Don't you like getting flowers?" The brunette replied, "Yeah, but I don't like the idea of spending the next three days on my back with my feet in the air."
The blonde asked, "Don't you have a vase?"
humor
15,770 views 20 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Why do blondes like convertables? for the leg room

Why don't the blondes in San Francisco wear mini skirts? They don't want their balls to hang below the hem line...
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Why don't the blondes in San Francisco wear mini skirts? They don't want their balls to hang below the hem line...


OMG.

Actually, those are riddles, but I'll take them.
Elemental: Reforged
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Good God, #2 is so funny I almost peed myself. ...
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Good God, #2 is so funny I almost peed myself.


Same here.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.

A blonde was driving down the highway on her way to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". So she went home.

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said, "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looked and said, "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keept arguing, and arguing, and they were both hit by a train.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes?
An interpreter.

What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

What's the blonde's cheer?
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..

What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year's hide and seek champ.

A brunette told her blonde friend that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked, "How do you give shoulders?"
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run, she's holding a grenade in her mouth.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hahahahahahaha! They're all awesome, my fave
A brunette told her blonde friend that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked, "How do you give shoulders?"


Heh, i dont have any in store, but if i happen to remember one i'll come back
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

2 blondes were walking down the street, when one spies a compact.  The first one picks it up and opens it and says "she looks familiar".  The second grabs it, looks into the mirror and says "no duh!  It is me!".

Green side up!

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Why don't blondes drink orange juice?

It says "concentrate" on the label.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
2 blondes were walking down the street, when one spies a compact. The first one picks it up and opens it and says "she looks familiar". The second grabs it, looks into the mirror and says "no duh! It is me!".



Why don't blondes drink orange juice?It says "concentrate" on the label.


hahahaha. Good ones.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
What's a blonde favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme

Why do blondes have bruises around their belly buttons?
Because blonde guys are dumb too

How did the blonde get lipstick on the steering wheel?
She was trying to blow the horn.

Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears?
She was afraid of getting hearing aids
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
This blonde heard that milk baths were good for the skin so she left a note for the milkman to leave 15 gallons. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons instead of 15. So he knocked on her door to clarify the point. She told him, "I want 15 gallons I'm going to fill up my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman said,"Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No. Just up to my tits"


Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice. Don't you think?" Kathy takes a sniff and replies,"That is nice. What's it called?" "Viens a moi", replies Nancy. "Viens a moi? What the hell does that mean?", replied Kathy. At this stage the store clerk offers some help,"Viens a moi, Ladies, means 'come to me' in French." Nancy takes another sniff then offers her arm to Kathy, and remarks,"That doesn't smell like come to me. Does it smell like come to you?"


A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in town. He gets through his usual run of dumb blonde jokes, when a big blonde in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,"I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes!!! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?! What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community and reaching my full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against blondes. All in the name of humor!!!!" Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize when the big blonde pipes up,"You stay out of this!! I'm talking to that little S.O.B. sitting on your knee"
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top

A blonde is tired of blonde jokes, so she died her hair brown and went for a ride in the country.  She spies a sheep herder tending his flock.  She stops the car and approaches the sheppard and asks him "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have, can I have one?".  He replies "Sure".

She looks over the flock, and tells him "You have 367 Sheep".  He Says "Wow that is amazing!  You are exactly right! Go ahead and pick one out." After the blonde picks out her sheep, the shepperd then says: "May I ask you a question?".  The blonde replies, "sure".  The Sheppard says "If I can tell you your original hair color, can I have my dog back?"

Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top

There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area. She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.

"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"

The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone. "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold.

Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.

But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."

Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
A car struck a blonde walking across the street. The driver kneeled by her side and asked her, "Are you all right?"
"You're just a blur." She said. "There must be something wrong with my vision."
Concerned, the man leaned close to her and asked, "How may fingers do I have up?"
The blonde cried, "Oh, no!" "I must be paralyzed from the waist down too!"
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top

"Oh, no!" "I must be paralyzed from the waist down too!"

Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
A blonde went to her gynecologist and told him that she and her husband had been trying unsuccessfully to make a baby. The doctor said, "We can fix that. Get up on the table and put your feet in the stirrups."
The blonde said, "All right, doctor, but I'd really rather have my husband's baby."
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?

She got cold and turned off the fan.

How do blonde brain cells die?

Alone.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
A blonde finishes work and hails a taxi. When it pulls up to her stop, the driver asks for his fare.
"Please,sir", the blonde says. "I just realized that I forgot my purse."
"Well, how do you intend to pay?", the driver asks. The blonde responds by lifting up her skirt.
"Got anything smaller?" he asks.


Two elderly blond ladies are sitting on the front porch doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh, sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a Life Saver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
What does a blonde say when she sees a banana peel on the ground?
"Oh no, I'm going to slip and fall again."