Professional dress my eye!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

I'm so glad I'm in a job where my clothing choices are made for me! Almost daily, I get to wear the same stuff - utility top and pants with a t-shirt beneath (drawers are actually optional for men) and boots. On formal occasions, I have a "suit" but rarely (outside of funeral details) have to wear it.

The worst part, really, is the stupid beret! Stupid hat! It takes a few hours of work to make it wearable after purchase (this includes shaving it - that's right, we have to shave our hats) and then, it's a two hand job to put it on! Stupid hat! And then, I get to walk around base and make multiple corrections to people that have no clue how to wear it correctly!

"Fix that pizza box, frenchy"

"Did they not have any berets in the adult section?"

"How many fingers am I holding up?" - as I hold up a number of fingers right next to their right eye, which is completely obscured by extra material pulled over the eye.

Did I mention?

Stupid Hat!

Okay, well, I suppose I am glad I don't have to do a beret. But white coats suck too. Trust me.

I just had this conversation with the intern in my office.  He thought that it's ok to show up for will witnessing with an untuckes, wrinkled dress shirt and shoes that were missing laces.

I personally wear what I consider to be business attire...suits (both pant and skirt), dresses, or conservative outfits....and yes, I do feel for you dudes.  Your choices are way more limited.

I see your noose--er, tie, I mean--and I raise you nylons.

Or, ok, maybe I'm not raising so much as calling. Nylons are the most retarded invention on earth. If we want to change our skin color, we can do that with bottles or sunshine or socks.

Cheap nylons can generate static electricity (I think? mine seem to) and then your slip's clinging to them, and then your skirt's clinging to your lets; they are too tight at the top or else to big at the knees; they itch; you can't pee quickly unless you've got the crotchless kind (and aren't wearing undies), and it never fails that the new ones get a run in 5 minutes.

(Frankly, I don't think men should have to wear ties. No one but H wore a tie at our wedding, and that was only to appease the mother-in-law o'mine.)

-A.

I see your noose--er, tie, I mean--and I raise you nylons.

Ahh, nicely done. But while they don't inhibit peeing (thank goodness! Peeing standing up is one of the best things of being male!), over the calf dress socks are evil. They are always very tight to keep them up, so your feet go cold and a little numb. They leave these awful patterns in your leg. And unless you shave, your hair sticks out through them, which causes no end to itching. Argh! Evil dress socks.

Of course, if you don't get the over the calf kind, then you are constantly pulling them up because they slip down off our big, manly, muscular calves.

Dharma: Thanks for comiserating with me. I appreciate it!

Cheap nylons can generate static electricity (I think? mine seem to) and then your slip's clinging to them, and then your skirt's clinging to your lets; they are too tight at the top or else to big at the knees; they itch; you can't pee quickly unless you've got the crotchless kind (and aren't wearing undies), and it never fails that the new ones get a run in 5 minutes.

While we are at it--slips are a rather silly invention...don't make my skirt see through and I won't have to fork out another thirty bucks for a white skirt to wear under my skirt.

Ah Peter, got your neck in a noose uh?! I feel for ya Doc. And Anglo, very funny with the nylon bit!

I for one hate wearing nylons unless I absolutely have to. The men in my office are lucky because it's business casual everyday unless there is a meeting, then it's the suit. Socks are just as bad as nylons! I love seeing those men that wear those little suspenders (not sure what they're called) to hold them up.

Peeing standing up is one of the best things of being male

I have had the unique opportunity of being able to experiences peeing whilst standing.
After my kids were born, I had to have a cystocele repaired ( that's the proper name for a prolapsed bladder, mine was a grade 2, almost grade 3)...and afterwards, I had to learn how to catheterize myself in order to urinate (my bladder had to learn how to function in the proper position again and it took some time for me to learn how to pee on my own). I found cathing myself easier to do standing...and so I just stayed standing. I got a taste of what it's like to be a dude.....and y'all have it easy when it comes to peeing.

and y'all have it easy when it comes to peeing.

Yep, just unzip, flip, pee, finish!

Oh my goodness! This is the first year I've watched American Idol, was wishing I hadn't missed the first three and now realize oh welll....
Can't stand Ryan Seacrest at all!!
Don't want to watch the melodramatic mean spirited Wednesday night bruha! How mean is that what they do that night?
And you soooooo hit the nail on the head with describing the judges!!! Amen! I too agree with Simon more than anyone else, he hears a flat note and calls a spade a spade.
I am still hooked on Survivor though.......that's my "popcorn" and a show night, my "don't disturb me unless the apt. is on fire" night
enuf!

Y'know, I've seen posts go off topic, but this one takes the cake.

Someone having an early nip?

-A.

I hear ya BlueDev!! Fortunately, since my days as a Missionary (Suits everday YUCK!!), the closest thing to a suit I've owned is the same as what Chiprj talked about.

To ParaPhrase the immortal words of 'Mama' Boucher, "Ties are the Devil!!"

Chiprj: I hear ya on the Beret thing. When I was in the Airborne, all that shaving, wetting down and forming was kind of a rite of passage. We earned those Maroon, Green and Black berets and by golly, we were going to look awesome in them. The same with our Jump Boots with Class A's.

The whole "all beret" army came online not long before I was retired from the guard. There were 4 of us who had been in Airborne units, so it fell upon us to "train" the troops on proper (if not official) wear. The fact is, there is NOTHING cool about a beret (except for the Hoo~AH look it gives a troop). For the beret I didn't earn, I second everything you said!! I've noticed most guard and reserve units around here have opted for the patrol cap "unit option". Apparently DLI units haven't.

I for one hate wearing nylons unless I absolutely have to.

Foreverserenity... having worn both, I'll take the nylons over a necktie EVERYTIME!! ;~D

In case your wondering why I've worn both... Powdered pantyhose are an awesome way to prevent blisters, crotchrot and other hazards of a 12-20 mile ruck march. When you will spend the next 3-6 hours walking " over the river and through the woods" with an 80lbs rucksack on your back and jungle boots on your feet, you do what you can to make it so you aren't paying for it anymore than you have to.

Which would you rather do that in, nylons or a shirt and tie? Hmmmmmmmmmmm ;~D

(insert droll sarcastic tone)

ParaTed, someday you're going to run out of exclamation points. Then what are you going to do?

-A.

BlueDev: I always though men had it easy, not having so much to think about what to wear or what they will look good in. I mean, how terrible can a guy look in a nicely tailored suit? You guys can just dress up plain shirt, coat, tie and pants, and look smart. Women tend to dress and have to look good, have to look fashionable and there' sjust so many comments and comparisons and things that has to match...

ParaTed, someday you're going to run out of exclamation points. Then what are you going to do?

Demand the government provide me with more!! ;~D

((((one droll sarcastic voice deserves another ;~D)))

Now if I run short on ; ~ and ).. that would be a tragedy! ;~D

BlueDev: I always though men had it easy

Here here! Although now that you have written this article I have a new appreciation for what men go through. Yes women have more choices, but sometimes I'd almost prefer a suit every day.

And I will say that what passes for "business" attire for women is often actually quite casual. I assure you "real" business attire is just as uncomfortable for both men and women.

shades: You know, that does seem silly. I always wondered at the whole slip idea. Just another way the system is trying to keep you down! Fight it! Burn your slips in the streets!

The men in my office are lucky because it's business casual everyday unless there is a meeting, then it's the suit.

Foreverserenity: I actually hate business casual. I like the extremes I guess. I would rather be in a suit or in shorts and a short sleeve button up shirt than something in between. Though I usually don't do the suit as you can't if you have to put a white coat over it, and suits aren't too conducive to wrestling with my 6-7 year olds on Sunday.

and y'all have it easy when it comes to peeing

Yes, yes we do. And we like it that way, thank you very much!

A: Me think Trudy meant to reply to my American Idull blog, and ended up here instead.

Which would you rather do that in, nylons or a shirt and tie? Hmmmmmmmmmmm ;~D

Ted: First off, thanks for clarifying why you were familiar with pantyhose. I was more than a little frightened there. And I must say, you have an excellent point.

I always though men had it easy

Raven: On the one hand I agree with you. But it does get boring. There is only so much you can do with slacks, shirt, tie and maybe suit. I mean, even if you mix it up, you are still wearing the same thing. Gets old.

Although now that you have written this article I have a new appreciation for what men go through.

Cordelia: The suit can be nice. It is a comforting, classic and classy old friend that just doesn't go wrong. But they can be so hot! I mean, you end up with a T-shirt first (because lots of nice dress shirts are so thin that you can see a dude's nipples through them, and no one wants that!), then long sleeve dress shirt that buttons up at the sleeves and collar (effectively trapping all your manly body heat in), then put a whole bunch of worsted wool on top of that. Ugh. Hot, hot, hot.

And don't even get me started on formal attire. Black tie? Black tie?!? I ain't never seen no lady go to a black tie event with a tie on. Y'all get to dress fancy, with different colors, styles, long, short, etc. Us men? Penguin suits. Stinking penguin suits. Unfair I say!

I needed to laugh today and you guys are really laying it on! Thanks, LOL!

Namely:

Trudy's post

- She did get mixed up - it happens!

Y'know, I've seen posts go off topic, but this one takes the cake. Someone having an early nip?

(insert droll sarcastic tone) ParaTed, someday you're going to run out of exclamation points. Then what are you going to do?

Anglo's sarcasm!

Foreverserenity... having worn both, I'll take the nylons over a necktie EVERYTIME!! ;~D In case your wondering why I've worn both... Powdered pantyhose are an awesome way to prevent blisters, crotchrot and other hazards of a 12-20 mile ruck march. When you will spend the next 3-6 hours walking " over the river and through the woods" with an 80lbs rucksack on your back and jungle boots on your feet, you do what you can to make it so you aren't paying for it anymore than you have to. Which would you rather do that in, nylons or a shirt and tie? Hmmmmmmmmmmm ;~D

Ted, you did have me going for a minute there! But you're right, pantyhose would be better!

ParaTed, someday you're going to run out of exclamation points. Then what are you going to do? Demand the government provide me with more!! ;~D ((((one droll sarcastic voice deserves another ;~D))) Now if I run short on ; ~ and ).. that would be a tragedy! ;~D

Oh boy!

Us men? Penguin suits. Stinking penguin suits. Unfair I say!

(because lots of nice dress shirts that you can see a dude's nipples through them, and no one wants that!)

You made me lol.

Y'all get to dress fancy, ...Us men? Penguin suits. Stinking penguin suits. Unfair I say!

When you're right, you're right. Tell your wife next time you go out "fancy" you are going to wear the dress and she can wear the penguin suit.

But in all seriousness, I never thought about it before. You are right! Men are getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop in the fashion world. Perhaps you should start a new clothingline for men? You could call it "The Fancy Peacock" or some such.

Tell your wife next time you go out "fancy" you are going to wear the dress and she can wear the penguin suit

Umm, well, er, I suppose I will stick to the penguin suit.

And if you knew just how bad my fashion acumen is, well, you wouldn't even dream of suggesting I design clothes of any kind. Frightening. Though "Fancy Peacock" has just enough flair and double entendre that it could work.

The reason men should wear "penguin" suits is, guys bodies are U-G-L-Y!!! To look nice you gotta cover 'em up (apparently with as many layers as possible)!!!

Girls, picture the hottest guy you can think of, now, try to think of anything "revealing" on him that would make him look as "formal" as you do in whatever "formal" you happen to wear....

Now try to eat lunch!! ;~D

Anglo's sarcasm!

What, I'm not...ok, well, not very...ok, yeah, you're right.

No offense meant to Trudy, either--I bet I'll do that someday and then you all can stick it to me. And then I'll tell you where to--




-A.