The Army You Have
A Philomedy Satire
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
January 22, 2005
Washington, D.C.
In light of recent, hastily made comments, Donald Rumsfeld has volunteered to open his world up for a day, hoping to dissuade the popular opinion that he is a crass and unfeeling old man, the likes of which chase little boys off their lawns for disturbing the garden trolls.
Mr. Rumsfeld awoke at 9 in the morning, about an hour later than he should have, and shuffled to the dining room in quite a disheveled state. Being late, he did not have time to eat anything but a bowl of Special K. He seemed disappointed that they were out of Total, which as we all know has a full day's supply of vitamins and minerals, but he took it in stride, saying "You go to the table with the cereal you have."
After breakfast, Mr. Rumsfeld rushed around trying to find a suit to wear, a search that turned up a back issue of Playboy, 2 Nike headbands, a Kiss album, "The Fast and the Furious" on DVD, and a copy of the Necronomacon, but alas, no Giorgio Armani. An agitated Rumsfeld called his wife, who informed him that the dry cleaning was to be picked up that afternoon at five. Rumsfeld, as he often does, made lemons out of lemonade, finding a blue polo shirt on the floor and throwing it on, along with a pair of khaki slacks.
"Sure, I'd like to have my suit, but what can you do?" Rumsfeld said. "You go to work with the clothing you have, not the clothing you'd like to have. Have you seen the new Sean John line, by the way? Or the latest from RocaWear? That's the clothing you'd like to have."
Rumsfeld's day at the office was a rather uneventful one, filled with stamping his name on condolence letters and going online to find a recipe for bouillabaise. At 5, he decided it was time to head home.
As he was strolling through the parking lot, Rumsfeld noticed a sheepish (or shall I say, chimpish) looking President Bush standing next to his car. There was a sizable dent on the door. The two talked in private, after which Rumsfeld came back smiling from ear to ear.
"He's a sweet kid, he really means well." he said. "Just sometimes, I don't know...Anyways, you go to work for the president you have, not the president you wish you had. I mean, sure we'd like someone who knows that the Warner Brothers' female bunny is just Bugs in drag, but what can you do?"
Washington, D.C.
In light of recent, hastily made comments, Donald Rumsfeld has volunteered to open his world up for a day, hoping to dissuade the popular opinion that he is a crass and unfeeling old man, the likes of which chase little boys off their lawns for disturbing the garden trolls.
Mr. Rumsfeld awoke at 9 in the morning, about an hour later than he should have, and shuffled to the dining room in quite a disheveled state. Being late, he did not have time to eat anything but a bowl of Special K. He seemed disappointed that they were out of Total, which as we all know has a full day's supply of vitamins and minerals, but he took it in stride, saying "You go to the table with the cereal you have."
After breakfast, Mr. Rumsfeld rushed around trying to find a suit to wear, a search that turned up a back issue of Playboy, 2 Nike headbands, a Kiss album, "The Fast and the Furious" on DVD, and a copy of the Necronomacon, but alas, no Giorgio Armani. An agitated Rumsfeld called his wife, who informed him that the dry cleaning was to be picked up that afternoon at five. Rumsfeld, as he often does, made lemons out of lemonade, finding a blue polo shirt on the floor and throwing it on, along with a pair of khaki slacks.
"Sure, I'd like to have my suit, but what can you do?" Rumsfeld said. "You go to work with the clothing you have, not the clothing you'd like to have. Have you seen the new Sean John line, by the way? Or the latest from RocaWear? That's the clothing you'd like to have."
Rumsfeld's day at the office was a rather uneventful one, filled with stamping his name on condolence letters and going online to find a recipe for bouillabaise. At 5, he decided it was time to head home.
As he was strolling through the parking lot, Rumsfeld noticed a sheepish (or shall I say, chimpish) looking President Bush standing next to his car. There was a sizable dent on the door. The two talked in private, after which Rumsfeld came back smiling from ear to ear.
"He's a sweet kid, he really means well." he said. "Just sometimes, I don't know...Anyways, you go to work for the president you have, not the president you wish you had. I mean, sure we'd like someone who knows that the Warner Brothers' female bunny is just Bugs in drag, but what can you do?"
