[0.99] Grammar Stuff

Tutorial

from Elemental Forums

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Before I begin there were some technical issues - 1) The “Lower the Tax Rate” panel – your tax rate is already on low, and changing it to ‘none’ has no effect on pioneer training speed that I can tell (maybe I was looking in the wrong place). The picture in the tutorial shows it being normal initially. 2) The game hung one time (permanently) when I tried to move Procipinee to the bottom right forest tile next to where you're supposed to set up the iron mine. This is where part of the map is supposed to be revealed for the tutorial, I assume that's why it hung up. 

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I was going to try to tackle all of the grammar stuff in the game, and I still plan to, but I'm sure the dev team has better things to do and first impressions are important so... here are some revisions to the tutorial text and a few things that show up in the tutorial. I may add more to this thread later, or I may make a new thread. 

Some things may seem picky, like consistent capitalization, but I'm just fixing as much as I see, it's not up to me whether these changes get put in. I'm also not changing up the style or the tone or addressing anything like that, this is strictly copyediting at a base level.

I will highlight words that are revised. Sometimes, in order to have pasteable text, I will not show where a comma is removed – I will just highlight the two words around it.

TUTORIAL:

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Your first step is to found your Capital.

To do so, select your Sovereign and then click the ‘Settle’ button.

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You’ve built your Capital, giving the wandering people of the world safe haven.

Select your city, and then click the ‘Build’ button to construct your first improvement.

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east (uncapitalize, it's in the 2nd paragraph)

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Here lies a stack of crates

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A in this title should be lowercase (in this case it’s a font with all uppercase but it should be smaller)

east

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A case contains an old spear, a veteran of many battles. Despite its age and the countless battles it has been used in, it is still a formidable weapon.

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Put a comma after ogres (to be consistent with other serial commas used in the game, most style manuals say to put the final comma and only AP style says it is optional)

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lie beneath

east

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There are rumors of a gathering darkness in the forest east of your realm.

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Recruit Champion (Othollo)

Othollo’s text is a mess, but it’s “conversational” so I’m going to leave it (and other character text unless just flat out wrong) alone for now. Even for conversational text it needs some work.

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The rumors are true; a deadly Earth elemental has awoken in the eastern forest.

Send your Sovereign and Champion to attack this monster before it threatens your kingdom.

(this is the one time I will actually add a semicolon - there are way too many semicolons throughout the game but this sortof requires it unless the sentence is rewritten)

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Nobles’ Revolt

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That's it for the tutorial. There are many more for the start of the game, but I'll address those later.

Sorry for being a Grammar Nazi, but... well I think it's necessary at this point.

5,385 views 10 replies
Reply #1 from Elemental Forums Top

I'm glad that somebody is willing to find all these grammar errors.

Reply #2 from Elemental Forums Top

Sorry for being a Grammar Nazi, but... well I think it's necessary at this point.
End of quote

Atleast you are being so in the right way. :)
Up until you start correcting me, I know I am a lost case ;)

Sincerely
~ Kongdej

Ashes of the Singularity II
Reply #3 from Elemental Forums Top

I will always stand against the use of slavery, taxation without representation, and the Oxford comma.   Shit...

Reply #4 from Elemental Forums Top

All fixed, thanks!

Reply #5 from Elemental Forums Top

Great job, OP! :)

 

Stardock should pay you for proofreading, preferably (since they allowed major mistakes remain this late in the game - pun intended), or have one of their own grammar aces take a really close look at every single line of text. Mistakes such as the ones you listed make for a very tacky impression. 

 

Regards

Reply #6 from Elemental Forums Top

Quoting nemojohan, reply 6
Great job, OP! 

Stardock should pay you for proofreading, preferably (since they allowed major mistakes remain this late in the game - pun intended), or have one of their own grammar aces take a really close look at every single line of text. Mistakes such as the ones you listed make for a very tacky impression. 

Regards
End of nemojohan's quote

But they are paying. ;) In a way....they've hired us beta testers to find stuff like that, and we're MORE than willing to because we get pre-release access to the game. XD

Reply #7 from Elemental Forums Top

Thanks Derek, I would not have done this if I had not already seen you respond quickly to this type of thing - it's nice to know I can make a difference :)

Quoting Lord, reply 3
I will always stand against the use of slavery, taxation without representation, and the Oxford comma.   Shit...
End of Lord's quote

Ha, I was expecting complaints about this or that so I didn't read this correctly the first time around. You subtle devil, you.

I have more grammar crap but since these were already addressed I'll be making another thread for clarity's sake (unless someone objects to that).

Reply #8 from Elemental Forums Top

Quoting GFireflyE, reply 7

Quoting nemojohan, reply 6Great job, OP! 

Stardock should pay you for proofreading, preferably (since they allowed major mistakes remain this late in the game - pun intended), or have one of their own grammar aces take a really close look at every single line of text. Mistakes such as the ones you listed make for a very tacky impression. 

Regards


But they are paying. In a way....they've hired us beta testers to find stuff like that, and we're MORE than willing to because we get pre-release access to the game.
End of GFireflyE's quote

 

Hehe, yes, you are right I suppose. :)

 

Well, here's to hoping that the game is received well and plays even better.

 

Cheers! :)

Reply #9 from Elemental Forums Top

Select your city, and then click the ‘Build’ button to construct your first improvement.
End of quote

The comma is incorrect. The sentence contains a compound predicate, not coordinate clauses. [You] select your city and then click the 'Build' button to construct your first improvement.