I bought Elemental because I heard really good things about Sins of the Solar Empire and I love turn based strategy… but I am left wondering if I bought a beta copy.

I start the game and there is no “Tutorial”, so I start the Campaign game.

I laughed as I read that my starting character, Lord Relias, was “Orphaned at an early age when his clan’s humble camp was set ablaze by wondering thieves…”  I wondered what made the thieves wonder.

I also read that, “Relias now sees to protect those in need…”  I see to, and I am beginning to wonder if I should have waited for a demo before I blew $50.

I wait for a pop-up window or something with “learn-to-play” tips or in-game instructions; there are none, but I figure it can’t be much harder to learn than any other game.

I see a ship-wreck and try to move to it in order to search it.  I left-click and right-click to no avail; except that I must re-select Lord Relias.  I give up on the shipwreck.

I see an NPC standing above the shoreline so I try to click on him, thinking this will result in moving, talking or fighting.  Again I left-click and right-click to no avail; except that I must again re-select Lord Relias.  I finally click next to the NPC and after moving next to him, Lord Relias can finally click on the NPC.  Why do I need to move next to an NPC that I can see before I can click on them?

I have a conversation with Jausk. 

Jausk: “Relias! Of course the sea could not take you, I know not why I worried. Let us set forth!”

Relias: “Excellent. You will make a fine addition to our kingdom.”

What?  Did I miss something?  What kingdom?  I wonder if either a twelve year old or someone for whom English is a second language wrote the copy for this game.

Then Jausk curtseys’ to Relias!  A curtsey is a gesture made primarily by a woman; perhaps he could have made a formal bow, or a nod, or even submitted on one knee, but a curtsey… I have to laugh out loud.

I continue and meet a farmer called Miramous who says to me, “I see more than urgency in your eyes boy.”  What?  Is this farmer hitting on me?  I laugh out loud again.  

Then the farmer proceeds to tell me his tale which is even worse than the one that played in the introduction, when I learned “… the continent of Elemental is made up of two continents: East and West.”

Of course I reply with, “Excellent. You will make a fine addition to our kingdom.”

Then I am supposed to set up a city, but how?  It is not any command that is obvious in the game window.  

I am left wondering if I can get a refund.  I see potential in the game, but it does not seem currently ready for prime-time.  Good lord, I hope the mod community can salvage it.  Instead of 3D, which I feel is wasted in this game, they should have went with 2D and used the extra money to hire a professional writer and done some more beta testing.  This was the first game I bought from Stardock, and unless they patch it up real soon, you can bet it is going to be my last.

I see a beginners guide in the forums, I supposed I’ll have to read it and then give the game one more try.  Not that that will save me from the bad storyline and the monstrous spelling and grammar.