I have been a dog lover for all of my life. Granted i've only been living for a totaly of 15 years i still consider myself a rather adequate sourse of doggie advice and memories. I only thought of my dogs in a pearly white wonderful light up until last weekend. The weekend that changed my young views and how i though of dogs in general. Last weekend i had to babysit the dogs. Alone. WITH NO PARENTAL GUIDANCE! Go figure last weekend was HELL.
It all started out rather innocent enough. Mom, Dad, and the siblings took off on a ski trip leaving me at home with the dogs. I loved this forunate turn of events. I wasn't going to be dragged up to the snowy land of cold feet and wet icy clothes. Just me and our dogs, Abby and Danny, at home with the television and a full stocked refrigerator to keep us company. I was thinking pretty nice. Left over Christmas dinner and re-runs of my favorite t.v. shows beckoned to me. Until Danny stopped me in my lazy filled tracks.
Both Danny and Abby are labs. they aren't puny little lap dogs, though they in their puny minds they believe they are. They are big dogs and can do a lot of damage. Especially if they decide your sitting where they want to right on the rug in front of the t.v, in the only ray of sunlight penetrating through the window into your cold dark depressing house. Unfortuantly, for me, Danny and Abby aren't stupid. They knew they would have to out smart me to get me outta that precious spot. So they did. Really makes me ashamed to admit it but they did. At first they came up next to me and pawed my arms to scratch their bellys because thats where they LOVED to be scratched.So i did just to keep them happy. But they weren't happy with where they were, so they scooted up my legs and sat right on my lap. Which was incredibly painful. i am athletically retarded and have no leg muscles with which to push them away with. So i gave up and slowly carefully slid my flattened legs out from under the traitorous pets and forked over the spot. They had won. For now.
My Dad had told me, or rather suggested, i take Abby and Danny for a walk because being cooped up all day wouldn't be good for them. I completley agreed. I have for some time been taking Abby out for walks. But there happens to be a very large difference between Abby and Danny. its about 100 lbs. Abby is very much overweight and cannot run or really walk in a brisk manner. So we leisurely had walked the streets of our town unhurried and without much effort. Danny is Abby's polar opposite. He is young, athletic, and extremly hyper. He's like a My Little Pony on speed without the whole pony thing. Very sweet and eager to please but lethal when used in the ways of Evil, like torturing the 15 year old twit who is regreting ever setting eyes on him. So we start out the dorr of our house Danny on the leash and Abby waddling free. I knew Abby wouldn't stray away from me but if Danny wasn't on a leash i knew he would run away from me and NEVER come back. We're out walking for about 20 seconds when Danny starts straingin on the leash. He smells something and HAS to get to it be for it could possibly even move an inch. He HAD TO GET THERE. So with Abby trying her hardest to keep up i was dragged up the street to investigate the possible workings of a power line pole. Danny was amazingly interested in it. he stood in the same spot sniffing the stupid thing for about five minutes. It was as though if he moved, the power line would mysteriously pull itself out of the ground and run away and tell the government where all his bones had been stashed.HE WOULD NOT MOVE.
So we sat there for a while after Abby had caught up with us, waiting for Danny to finish his investiagation. I was bored out of my wits. I was standing outside in the cold , next to a powerline pole, with all of the neighbors shooting me suspicious looks as though i was going to cut the power lines and limit them from their precious Oprah and bon bons. I wanted to go home.So i put my plan into action. I pulled on Danny's leash as though it was a string attached to a million dollar blank check. And boy, let me tell you, Danny did not want to leave that powerline pole. I wrestled him toward home which was no easy feat while Abby looked on with simple distain. I almost got him home without disaster striking too. Almost. There's a vacant lot next to our house. the vancant lot next to our house has quite a bit of free dirt piled up on it. the night before it had rained.Yeah. Complete recipe for disaster. So Danny dragged me, the innocent in this pathetic story, through the mud and deposited me right on our doorstep. Abby then showed up and shed her beautiful blond hair all over my mud splattered body. I just love my dogs.
Believe it or not the rest of the day went rather uneventful. It was Sunday that was the real kicker. Basically Danny decided to go on a Puking, Pooping, barfing spree thats started at the pathetic time of 3:14 a.m. thats all i'm going to say on the matter. We'll okay. since i am pathetic and fill the need to spill on the matter i shall go into details. Danny barked all over the floor in the wee hours of morning. the hardwood floor. near the kitchedn. it smelled so horrible. Abby decided it would be grand fun to cackle evily while i cleaned up the revolting mess the four times Danny's upchuck reflex wen't on full force. Your thinking now a dog can't laugh. We'll YES IT CAN! the calculating look a dog gets in it's eyes as it watches you and you know inside the wee little doggie is laughing like mad at your pathetic antics it's putting you through. Can you tell i'm just a little bitter. We'll world i'm signing off now. i leave you with my tale of heartbreak and doggie mayhem.