You get that puppy. It's literally man's best friend, obedient, loyal and obsessed with you. The two of you spend about one happy year, when it suddenly gets utterly obliterated during one of your treasured walks through the park by an energy surge that barely missed you, coming from the sky. Still heartbroken, you watch the news later that evening: rumor has it that the testing of a new sort of drive caused a massive amount of energy to be directed straight down on earth. Luckily noone got hurt, as far as CNN knows. The good news is that the sideeffect of that drive has now been eliminated and humanity is finally going to the stars! All hail the new FTL drive!

I wish my (utterly fat) cat will never die.

What noone ever found out is that the puppy being hit by the energy surge didn't actually die but got instantaneously (and mathematically highly unlikely) teleported safely to an earth-like planet in a far galaxy. Weird enough, this planet was inhabited by creatures similar to the terran animal called "dogs". The union of the terran and extraterran dog species spawned a peaceful and technologically advanced civilization that focussed on unravelling the mysteries of the cosmos and life itself. The bottomside is: it got invaded and enslaved in 3672 by a human exploration mission and went extinct in 4201 after an age of suffering and humiliation by the cruel humans.

I wish humanity would see the errors in the way it's evolving before it's too late (i.e. extincting cute dog races from outer space).

You spend hours on every forum game worth playing, typing hilarious entries but neglecting your personal needs. Your face eventually melts off, because someone opened the Ark of the Covanent next to you and you didn't hear them shout "Don't look at it!" because you had headphones on.

I wish I knew someone who could grant wishes for real, and that I had a car with machine guns.

Stardock rewrites sins to make it a non-spam game. Unfortunately, this causes them to pust back the Elemental alpha again, and hundreds of angry bear nuts storm the building bfore they can finfish. Stardock is destroyed, all of the staff are either dead or in hiding, and Luckmann takes over, producing hundreds of bear games over and over again.

I wish Netfilx would hurry up and send Transformers here.

Netflix does deliver Transformers in the next three seconds. However, one second before it arrives. Chuck Norris decides that he wants to watch it, so the DVD gets itself to Chuck AFAP. You soon are dimayed and realize the movie ill never come, so you sell your dog to SmallTrippin, and it dies in the energy surge that took place one year later. You eventually become a hermit, eating only waffles and cereal, without any milk. But you enjoy the rest of your life as the ,ain attraction at one of the new zoos in Cambodia.

I wish I had my STMAS (Super Travel Machime And Stuff), so I could to the time and place of Star Wars, steal my favorite ship, and bring it back to the present and explore the Universe as I please. Have fun with GLobal Warming, FOOLS!

Edit: Darn you! gotta type faster. . .

I'll ruin Etrius' wish later, next person ruins mine.

Good morning.

The alien dogs in another timeline learn of what the furture holds and goes back into the past to capture my FTL drive before the energy surge happens. Now they conquer the galaxy and blow us all up until the Cat eats them.

I wish I had lived(in the first timeline before the FTL go captured) to be on the first working Faster-Then-Light ship heading for the system where the first Halo ring was supposed to be found in the year 2552 but found this time long before that.  

You are at a party, some guy who says he is funding an FTL-drive research project says one of the unintended products of the research was a fitness pill. You don't believe him and take the pill to spite him before he can stop you. Within moments, all the excess fat exits your body through every pore and oriface...in front of all the party guests. You spend the next couple years in the hospital recuperating developing a close friendship with a guy with a compulsion to play forum games.

I wish I had 30 hours of available time each day.

Wish granted, but your 360 gains skynet level intelligence in the process, spreads itself onto the internet infecting every system. It then proceeds to create an ingrained hunger for intergalatic dominance in the human race.

You own EA and Microsoft, which promptly go under in the recession. While you HAD a golden parachute, hundreds of angy GM dealers hunt you down and force you into hiding in Columbia. Where you get the swine flu and die.

I wish I was a Q.

You know the secret of life. Unfortunately, no-one will believe you, and you get put into a mental institution.

I wish I was a Q. Not the Letter. The Star Trek kind.

Wish granted, but when you go to the first movie to do it this way hundreds of people who are crazy about fully 3-D movies turn out and riot and then attack you because they like 3-D way to much.

I wish that I had a real suit of MJOLNIR armor-the same one used by the Master Chief in Halo:CE to display on my wall.

You get your suit of armor, but they forgot to tell you that Master Chief is still inside. He kills you for trying to imprison him in your house.

I wish I had a faster internet connection.

EDIT: Dang, too slow