How To Make New Friends
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JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Alright. I think it's safe for me to write this from my experience. These lessons took a while to learn but they seem to have paid off pretty well.
The first thing you have to do is find another human being that is still breathing. This is usually a pretty easy step to follow. Now, make sure this person isn't already a friend or family member because they wouldn't be NEW friends, right? Good job.
So, you have your person? Good! Now start a conversation with your person. Eventually they will either feel really weird and start laughing, feel comfortable because they are trying the same procedure on you, or they'll feel too weird and to running away. Whatever happens don't let the last one happen.
Some people like being spoken to so don't get too worried about what to say. Just about anything will work. We prefer you not start off saying something about sex, drugs, or Barney unless you are at a bar or some really strange place where it is expected of you.
Now, we need to get detailed. If you're a woman (look down... if you can see your feet you're probably not a woman) a good way to start is by finding a guy that is intoxicated. If he has a tatoo that says mommy on it, I'd say it's a go. If you're a guy find another guy that is intoxicated. If he has a tatoo that says mommy on it walk away slowly. Otherwise he should be too "out of it" to care who you are.Trust me, this is what you want for your first time.
These kinds of guys make a good temporary, practice friend.
What you should do now is tell him (or her if you're not listening to what I'm saying) your name, what you're doing wherever you are, and that you think you could beat him in a drinking contest. Hopefully, he declines but if not, we have a back-up. Tell him that you're just kidding and ask him his name. If he's together enough to catch onto what you're doing he'll either gladly talk to you or run away like we said is a no no. When he runs make sure to run in a straight line to catch him as he'll be taking the, less desirable, zigzag path.
Once you catch up with him make sure to trip him and then help him back up. Somebody too stupid to realize you're a beginner at making new friends deserves hit and will probably also be too stupid to notice that you picking him up was following an assault. Don't aplogize, he'll remember what you did and start running again.
When you finally get your person sat down ask him what he's doing. No matter what he says, say, as kind as possible, "hmm... maybe when you're done you'd like to go to _______ (insert an activity that you would find enjoyable that does not consist of sex, drugs, or Barney) with me." Don't say what's in the parenthesis, that won't be a gold star move at all.
He took the bait!!! Now, when he realizes that you're following him around the next day after he sobers up calmly remind him that he is suposed to attend whatever event you invited him to the night before. If he forgets who you are don't get upset, you tripped him and he might have hit his head. Tell him you're name and then, in a good tone, tell him his name like, "...and you're name is ________." This shows that you're not just making things up.
This should be enough to get you started.
For those advanced friend makers I just say one thing. Don't always go to the same "kind" of person. Diversity makes your friend making abilities stronger and increases your chances of finding something "interesting" to talk about when your other friends are all intoxicated.
If you master this techinque, I just have one bit of advice to add...
Don't let this take up all of your time, your job, family, old friends, and school work are important too. They wouldn't like it if they found out you were making all these friends behind their backs.
Good luck, friend finders!
Capt. over and out!
The first thing you have to do is find another human being that is still breathing. This is usually a pretty easy step to follow. Now, make sure this person isn't already a friend or family member because they wouldn't be NEW friends, right? Good job.
So, you have your person? Good! Now start a conversation with your person. Eventually they will either feel really weird and start laughing, feel comfortable because they are trying the same procedure on you, or they'll feel too weird and to running away. Whatever happens don't let the last one happen.
Some people like being spoken to so don't get too worried about what to say. Just about anything will work. We prefer you not start off saying something about sex, drugs, or Barney unless you are at a bar or some really strange place where it is expected of you.
Now, we need to get detailed. If you're a woman (look down... if you can see your feet you're probably not a woman) a good way to start is by finding a guy that is intoxicated. If he has a tatoo that says mommy on it, I'd say it's a go. If you're a guy find another guy that is intoxicated. If he has a tatoo that says mommy on it walk away slowly. Otherwise he should be too "out of it" to care who you are.Trust me, this is what you want for your first time.
These kinds of guys make a good temporary, practice friend.
What you should do now is tell him (or her if you're not listening to what I'm saying) your name, what you're doing wherever you are, and that you think you could beat him in a drinking contest. Hopefully, he declines but if not, we have a back-up. Tell him that you're just kidding and ask him his name. If he's together enough to catch onto what you're doing he'll either gladly talk to you or run away like we said is a no no. When he runs make sure to run in a straight line to catch him as he'll be taking the, less desirable, zigzag path.
Once you catch up with him make sure to trip him and then help him back up. Somebody too stupid to realize you're a beginner at making new friends deserves hit and will probably also be too stupid to notice that you picking him up was following an assault. Don't aplogize, he'll remember what you did and start running again.
When you finally get your person sat down ask him what he's doing. No matter what he says, say, as kind as possible, "hmm... maybe when you're done you'd like to go to _______ (insert an activity that you would find enjoyable that does not consist of sex, drugs, or Barney) with me." Don't say what's in the parenthesis, that won't be a gold star move at all.
He took the bait!!! Now, when he realizes that you're following him around the next day after he sobers up calmly remind him that he is suposed to attend whatever event you invited him to the night before. If he forgets who you are don't get upset, you tripped him and he might have hit his head. Tell him you're name and then, in a good tone, tell him his name like, "...and you're name is ________." This shows that you're not just making things up.
This should be enough to get you started.
For those advanced friend makers I just say one thing. Don't always go to the same "kind" of person. Diversity makes your friend making abilities stronger and increases your chances of finding something "interesting" to talk about when your other friends are all intoxicated.
If you master this techinque, I just have one bit of advice to add...
Don't let this take up all of your time, your job, family, old friends, and school work are important too. They wouldn't like it if they found out you were making all these friends behind their backs.
Good luck, friend finders!
Capt. over and out!
But tell me, has it worked for you??
