Ouch Ouch Ouch

I've stubbed my toe on reality again...

I was coasting along so well, but you know that had to change.

The kid who is the center of my life is growing, and I am no longer the center of her orbit. Right and properly so. But... in the process of growing, she is rejecting me and choosing her father. Wanting to go to that other school. Farther away from me. I undrestand it. But i hate it. This rejection hurts.

For her eyes, i try to be brave and somewhat nonchalant. I mostly succeed, but not always. This weekend I am doing good on the outside, and she is off to spend the night with a friend.

I suspect that the way through this is to go the other way. To embrace Harry's victory, and celebrate her going to Montgomery. Surely she will hate it... it seems a bad situation. But maybe not. How will we know if we don't try. But the ex is such a ass about it, that it will be hard to converse and make a deal. And he will gloat that he is the favored parent, and he will be, and i hate that too.

I know she doesn't understand all that, and she is just trying to please her father.and one school is not that much different than another.

... and then my shelter became a storm...

That lover who is my safe harbor rained on my parade and cliched me into an emotional abyss.

...

angst

pain and turmoil

... the night is not dark enough to be my new shelter. it is a full moon. the cats will be restless. the dogs will bark and brightly lit shadows. and the past will rise up to torment me with past scars aching.

love hurts

that is a guarantee