High Maintenance

With palms together,

Good Morning Everyone,

 

In the morning, the early morning, the air has a stillness that is just so inviting to the soul.  There is a clear sense of the earth having rested, settled, and in the east a rising sense of expectation.  Of course these "senses" are not real, they are perceptions of a mind joined with that earth.

 

Perceptions are a funny thing.  They come in different shapes and sizes and, more than likely, are fairly distorted by a perceiver's point of view. In Zen we work to cut through these distortions, to see as clearly as is possible what is actually there, only to discover nothing, a vast emptiness of process.  Even this process is not real, it is but a mental construct, and explanation our mind offers to name what we experience.   

 

Recently, My Little Honey and I had a few words over whether or not I was "high maintenance."  It seems others who know us have commented that I am a high maintenance sort of person.  I took great offense at this perception and actually was deeply hurt by it.  My understanding of the phrase refers to a rather shallow, self absorbed being who demands much care and attention.

 

Through our discussion, though, another point of view emerged.  It seems My Little Honey recognizes my needs as a person with challenges, sets herself aside, and takes care to meet my needs all without a word.  This point of view suggests that high maintenance does not refer to the shallow nature of a demanding materialist, but rather to a person with special needs.

 

Either view is a challenge for me as I have prided myself in being able to take care of myself and steadfast refusal to seek the assistance of others.  Competency is a high value in my lexicon.

 

Yet here it is: we are all aging, gradually loosing our abilities to be independent and in a relationship, as My Little Honey wisely points out, we should care for each other and pick up the slack for each other.  We call this nurturance.

 

Sometimes a desire to be independent and competent is an obsession that no longer is a virtue, but rather becomes an obstacle to a loving life.

 

Be well.