Having a Panic Attack as we Speak

Adult content because I don't want my Mother to see....

from JoeUser Forums
Well, here I am on my vacation with my boyfriend, ready to leave him here and go back home... and guess what....

My boyfriend pops the question. Yep, "The big one".

While this is exciting and I've been awaiting this moment since I knew he was "that certain special man in my life," I am all the sudden overwhelmed and freaking out and I need some help from all my friends @ JU (welcome Chrissy!! chrissyarcher.joeuser.com). (Chrissy we need to talk, like now!! hehe)

I called my mother with the wonderful news minutes after he asked me last night in our hotel room in Manhattan. She was extatic and already making plans. Like....moreso extatic than myself....like getting engaged is now the highest point of my life. Forget about all the hard work I've put into my dual degree...forget all of my musical accomplishments...forget being an individual....all of the sudden I am no longer "Alison Watkins", but "Hardin's fiance".

Now all of the sudden, this moment that I have awaited for so long is the scariest moment of my life.

Now I don't know if I want to get married.

I am hardly Betty Crocker. I want my identity back. What should I do??
1,296 views 13 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sorry...I was rather vague...I wasn't leaving my boyfriend (fiance) but leaving him in NY for Doctoral School, while I went back home to Ohio to go student teach.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
You don't lose your identity in marriage, you gain a companion.

If your fiance truly loves you, he will be there with you every step of the way, and you with him. You will find you complement each other in areas of weakness, and this will make you stronger, and better as a person; in essence, it will "complete" you (apologies to "Jerry Maguire").

I don't know either of you, but wish you the best of luck and that you find the happiness that you are seeking.
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Just say "no" - if you are questioning it online don't you think there is a problem?

Marriage - no good can come from it.

Just kidding - maybe you should not analyze everything so much and just go with what your heart is telling you.

Either way you will be fine.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
BTW did i mention i am bi-polar (lol )







not really. i just drank an horechatta and the sugar is affecting me.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks for everyone's comments thus far...they are really encouraging...

alison
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
lol gideon--that movie was on just the other day
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top

You don't lose your identity in marriage, you gain a companion.


Wise words.  Marriage should not strip you of your "self".  It is a commitment to the person who will experience your life with you. 

Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Marry the dude and give him a JU login. Everything can be shared from now babe.

And never was a wiser word said than godsjewel's advice :

go with what your heart is telling you.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't understand why my mother thinks that this is all of the sudden the most defining point of my life and now I must be bombarded with getting married and not slow down and enjoy being engaged...I mean, while this is a very special moment, i've done special things on my own and will continue to do so...i just wish my mother could see that fact.

Am I making any sense?? hehe

Good advice, thanks Karma
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
I should get him to join!

Thanks Andy
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Alison, don't forget to take the time to enjoy every step along the way. Enjoy the engagement, but don't forget the fun you had while you were courting (am I completely stupid for using that word? I mean, folks still use it, right?). And once the marraige arrives don't forget the fun you had while engaged. Every step builds upon the one that went before, and a solid relationship while engaged will give you that much more of a step ahead when the time for married life comes.

It is a blast. I have learned so much about myself, about life, and about love that I would never, ever wish it was otherwise. Congratulations on this fun step!
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I FREAKIN READ THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR BLOG!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! lol...damn alison!!!! i'm sitting here at work and i'm like, 'lalala..I'm bored...why don't I check alison's blog even though I know she's in NYC and not at a computer...' and then I get THAT!! AHHH!!!! I let out a little squeal and now the little student worker guy that is here with me probably thinks I'm crazy!! Anyways, I'm sorry to hear that this is not the big happy occassion we always talked about...although it usually goes that way when something FINALLY happens that you've been wanting to happen for so long (one of the downfalls of my no sex before marriage declaration, but whatever..it's still good:)) So yeah...I'll call you as SOON as I get off work tonight and have free phone minutes (both happen at 9..how convenient;)) but CONGRATULATIONS and let me assure you and everyone else here that this IS a very good thing!!! I have some comments on the mom thing but I'll wait for that!! AHHHHHH!!! I still can't believe I heard it first on a blog..lol..how rediculous!!! I'm so happy for you!! Oh, and you have to tell me...what color's the twistie-tie?? haha..talk to you soon darling!!!!
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
I submit that it is possible to lose your identity in a marriage and that it is a far more common event than most married folks like to admit to. I would suggest reading this. She lived it first hand. With me.