Having a hard time sleeping tonight
It's been a while since this problem plagued me
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
I have spent many a near sleepless night, wrestling with the emotional demons hidden under the bed. I thought i was getting so much better. But loneliness and doubt have breached the walls tonight.
Can't blame it on menopause, because it's not quite here yet.
Can't blame it on men, because they have only the power you give them.
Have to take it on myself. Trusting where i shouldn't. Hoping foolishly. Trying again, when giving up hope was the better choice.
Why am i so stubborn on the trying thing. Do i really think i can create love?
Yes... i know i can. Just need someone to lavish it on...
I put myself out there, as honestly and freely as i am able.
But maybe being more subtle is the correct way... Just not very graceful with that. Doesn't seem to suit me naturally.
I don't want to harden my heart. Maybe i will have to for better emotional survival. But, it is something i have avoided so far, and would like to prevent.
So, i try going slowly on gently exploring a new possibility, on little cat feet...
But my cats knock things over and there are thumpings in the dark recesses of my emotional attic. Ghosts of so many hurtful moments lay their heads on the empty pillow beside me... oh go away! Leave me alone. Stop whispering doubts. Stop your ghoulish mirror from reflecting such a bleak midnight moment stretching on into the future.
...
Visualize cradling arms. Surely there is someone who will love me despite all the flaws. Come on Pandora's box, spit it out. I need that foolish hope tonight.
Can't blame it on menopause, because it's not quite here yet.
Can't blame it on men, because they have only the power you give them.
Have to take it on myself. Trusting where i shouldn't. Hoping foolishly. Trying again, when giving up hope was the better choice.
Why am i so stubborn on the trying thing. Do i really think i can create love?
Yes... i know i can. Just need someone to lavish it on...
I put myself out there, as honestly and freely as i am able.
But maybe being more subtle is the correct way... Just not very graceful with that. Doesn't seem to suit me naturally.
I don't want to harden my heart. Maybe i will have to for better emotional survival. But, it is something i have avoided so far, and would like to prevent.
So, i try going slowly on gently exploring a new possibility, on little cat feet...
But my cats knock things over and there are thumpings in the dark recesses of my emotional attic. Ghosts of so many hurtful moments lay their heads on the empty pillow beside me... oh go away! Leave me alone. Stop whispering doubts. Stop your ghoulish mirror from reflecting such a bleak midnight moment stretching on into the future.
...
Visualize cradling arms. Surely there is someone who will love me despite all the flaws. Come on Pandora's box, spit it out. I need that foolish hope tonight.