Changing sexuality more than you change your socks?

from JoeUser Forums
No matter what sexuality you are, it is something you are born with, right? It isn't a choice of a lifestyle, you like men, or you like women. Someone doesn't grow up and suddenly think, oh I'm going to like men now. That for me isn't how it works. In the early years of deciding sexual orintation, maybe you are a little confused, maybe society tells you, you should like people of the opposite sex, and to fit in you do so. Deep down inside you know what you really like though, how can you not? Maybe accepting it is a little more difficult, but you do know which you like more no matter how much you fight it!

I had a friend once, she was a nice girl. When I first met her she had a boyfriend and we got on pretty well. I had known her for a while, and one day she told me she was bi-sexual. She liked both men and women. Now I am sure you can be attracted to both sexes, and this I didn't have a problem with. She however thought that passing on this information to me somehow changed our friendship. Now that I knew she was attracted to females she was able to flirt with me, and so on. I didn't actually mind the flirting. I flirt with male friends that I have no interest in, so why not female? I got the feeling she took this behaviour the wrong way though. If I didn't return her phonecalls straight away, she'd go weird on me. She complained I didn't spend to much time with her, she complained she didn't like my other friends, and they didn't treat me right. I am one of these people who likes my own space. For friends to complain about such things, just makes me want to give them a wide birth, and this is what I did with her. She presumed it was becuase she'd told me she liked women. I can't honestly say that didn't have a little to do with it, but that wasn't the main reason, it was her behaviour that bothered me more. I need space from all my friends, at times and she didn't respect that. The thing is a little after giving her some space, I saw her, and she'd decided she didn't like women anymore, just men. Huh?

I don't understand people who can jump from one sexual orientation to another. I don't understand going from liking women to men. I understand experimenting. Before I die, I want to kiss a woman. Not because I'm sexually attracted to women, because I'm not. I would like to see what it's like though. Do people just lie to themselves for however long, and then finally find the courage to tell other people. Are they capable of enjoying sex with a sex they apparently aren't attracted to? I understand you are born with a certain attraction to same/opposite sex. i don't understand how it can change. Doesn't that just lose respect for the gay community? I'm asking these questions, as I'm not sure of the answers!
2,217 views 16 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sally: This is an interesting (and thought-provoking) post. I likewise have a friend (married to a man) who confided in me that she is bisexual. She has some wierd ways (unrelated to her sexual identity) that I'm not all that into, but it hasn't changed my friendship with her. The thing that I have a hard time with is that she is married and yet has affairs with women and because they are women, that is supposed to be OK. Her husband is very straight-laced and conservative, and I just wonder how he really feels about the fact that she has affairs. I can't imagine her being OK with husband doing the same.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
The thing that I have a hard time with is that she is married and yet has affairs with women and because they are women, that is supposed to be OK. Her husband is very straight-laced and conservative, and I just wonder how he really feels about the fact that she has affairs. I can't imagine her being OK with husband doing the same.


Ok, first of all i don't agree with the double standard thing. It means less because it is with a woman? I don't get that! He knows about it? yet still stays married! No matter if you're bi or not, you should pick one partner and stick with them!

Thanks for the comment Texas, and I'm glad you liked it!
Galactic Civilizations IV
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

I don't understand the switch either.  I had a bi guy friend, and he nad I had many conversations about how he makes the switch from guys to girls.  His explanation was that it's like sexual positions...sometimes he likes to be on top; other times he feels like being on the bottom (no pun intended).  I still don't get it.

I've kissed a girl. I did it for much the same reasons as you...to satiate my curiosity, basically.  I had no doubts about my sexual orientation before I kissed her, I have no doubts after I kissed her.  It's nothing special, trust me.  Just like kissing a guy, but with lipstick!

Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
other times he feels like being on the bottom (no pun intended).


I'm so sorry . . . please forgive me . . . but !!!!
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
His explanation was that it's like sexual positions...sometimes he likes to be on top; other times he feels like being on the bottom (no pun intended).


..I like the answer, but no I still don't get it!

I had no doubts about my sexual orientation before I kissed her, I have no doubts after I kissed her. It's nothing special, trust me.


Dharma I got all excited when I read this, hehe! I love hearing about this kind of stuff! Would you do it again? Did you find the girl a little attractive? So girls don't know how to do it better huh! Thanks for sharing!
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

Would you do it again? Did you find the girl a little attractive?


Yes, she was attractive, or else I wouldn't have kissed her! This is how it went down...I was at a bar with some friends, and I was standing on the foot rail at the bottom of the bar and leaning over to try and get the bartender's attention (I'm short, and he couldn't see me)  Next thing I know, someone's feeling my ass...so i turned around ready to smack someone, and it was this girl, Kelly.  She said "sorry, but it looked so nice I couldn't resist it"....which took me by surprise. Turns out she was friends with the friends I was there with, so we all sat together, and we were drinking and dancing and stuff....about halfway through the evening, my friend Nick leans over and tells me that Kelly thinks I'm hot and that she wants to kiss me.  Again, that took me by surprise, but I just told him that I thought she was pretty hot herself and that if I was going to kiss any girl it would be her.  Long story short, at closing time she came up to me, took my face in her hands and kissed me.  Yes, there was tongue involved, and it went on for a good 30 seconds or so....long enough for some guys to notice and start cheering!  It was surprisingly pleasant...and yes, if it was Kelly I'd probably do it again.  The thought of it going any further than just kissing makes me want to hurl though...I like men, and that's never going to change. 


You should try it sometime, Sally.  I think that everyone should kiss a person of their own gender just once!

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
she was interested in exploring her sexuality with you in mind..maybe her first bi experience..and when you gave her a wide birth, perceived it as rejection..and told you she didn't like women anymore just so you'd hang out with her again...(


She told me she had, had female partneers before, though I think you may have a point. I'm sure she told me she no longer liked women, because she presumed that was the reason I had distanced myself, even though it wasn't!

Dharma, can I just say...wow! Thanks so much for sharing that, and good on you for being so open minded! That is so awesome!

You should try it sometime, Sally. I think that everyone should kiss a person of their own gender just once!


Oh I intend to! Though I think you need a moment like the one you shared. Where it isn't planned or anything, you just get caught up in the moment and do it! That is such a great story! Thanks again for sharing!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Do you do some experimentaion in sex-what are your preferences?
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Do you do some experimentaion in sex-what are your preferences?


I am not sexually attracted to women, I like men. It would be just a kiss, and that is it! Just to say I've done it!
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top

I would never kiss another man, unless it was for money.


I don't understand people who can jump from one sexual orientation to another.


I think I understand it. They're attracted to both, but sometimes prefer one over the other. It's like how sometimes I like to have sex with Lindsay Lohan, but other times I like to have sex with Alyson Hannigan. It's also like how one might be in the mood for McDonald's but be in the mood for Burger King the next day.

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
I would never kiss another man, unless it was for money.


...how much would you charge?

sometimes I like to have sex with Lindsay Lohan, but other times I like to have sex with Alyson Hannigan.


They are both ladies

like how one might be in the mood for McDonald's but be in the mood for Burger King the next day.


They both provide a burger.

Hehe ignore me, I know what you're saying, and you have a valid point.

Thanks for the comment!
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
I've had relationships with men and women. Most importantly though, I've had relationships with specific people that I really found attractive for different reasons. Intellectually, emotionally, and yes, physically. For me, it's not really something where I would say I enjoyed being with men more than women, or vice versa, but more of individual thing.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
- Good Blog Sally.

I dont really know how anyone can alternate their sexual preferences... then again, there is a lot of stuff in this world that I dont understand... I mean, I can admire a guy for his good looks or whatever, but I can't be attracted to him!!! Maybe your friend is just confused...

oh wait - she is your friend so she most certainly is confused Just deal with the fact your friend has the hots for you, and get over it hehe... As long as you are comfortable with your sexual attractions, there isn't really that much to worry about huh?

BAM!!!
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
I've had relationships with specific people that I really found attractive for different reasons. Intellectually, emotionally, and yes, physically.


I see where you're coming from with this, and as you find (i'm guessing) both sexes attractive, these qualities are not specific to a particular gender. I guess it's just personal preference.

I can admire a guy for his good looks or whatever, but I can't be attracted to him


Wow I'm impressed Mugz, some men can't even manage that!

Just deal with the fact your friend has the hots for you, and get over it


Ha I don't blame her for wanting me, I just can't be doing with the whole possesiveness, that just plain freaks me out!
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
I've had relationships with men and women. Most importantly though, I've had relationships with specific people that I really found attractive for different reasons. Intellectually, emotionally, and yes, physically. For me, it's not really something where I would say I enjoyed being with men more than women, or vice versa, but more of individual thing.


I can understand that. It would be the individual that made the difference.