The Perfect Platform

Satisfying Everyone

from JoeUser Forums
So I was thinking about running for President of the United States of America, but I needed some platform to tempt the votes.

It occured to me that if I promise tax cuts on all chocolate I could get a large percentage of the female vote.

And if I promised an NFL sports package in every home I could get a large percentage of the male vote.

White House, here i come!
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11,814 views 13 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
unfortunately, when the chocolate vote finds out the sports package has been promised - your victory will disappear quickly ...
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
.....Jay, you took the words right out of my mouth. A lot of women would NOT support the sports package, regardless of the chocolate incentive. Might need to rethink that platform, CS!
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
A lot of women would NOT support the sports package, regardless of the chocolate incentive. Might need to rethink that platform, CS!


That's easy! Whenever I speak on my platform, I just use do like so...

"Ok, all you ladies out there cover your ears for a sec, I gotta talk to the men."

Then I would lay out the progressive NFL package plan.

"Now, all you guys out there cover YOUR years, it's the ladies' turn to listen to reason."

And then lay out the Chocolate Initiative.

See, I can adapt! And isn't that what you want in the White House?
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Aw crap! I just realized I'm not old enough to run for President!

Life just ain't fair! I'm sick of The Man keeping me down.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Now CS, let's be realistic here. I think you could get the guys to cover their ears (just tell them you're going to discuss Montel, Dr. Phil or some soap opera), but do you REALLY think you can get the ladies to cover their ears for ANY reason?

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
but do you REALLY think you can get the ladies to cover their ears for ANY reason?


Stop stepping on my dream!
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Aw crap! I just realized I'm not old enough to run for President!Life just ain't fair! I'm sick of The Man keeping me down.


Hang in there, CS....it's a great plan, so just hold onto it until you ARE old enough....
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
WE need to consider everyone CS guy!

What is more important - happy ladies who enjoy cheap chocolate, or healthy kids who have to save up extra for chocolate, so they dont bother, and they dont get fat!!!

Just cause fat kids cant vote, doesn't mean they shouldn't be considered when formulating policy!

Policy formulation is the hardest job in the whole world... it is impossible to please evryone!

BAM!!!
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
cs, i think your idea is fantastic and i would be a willing publicist and speechwriter for you if you needed me. as for you being too young to run for president, i think you're looking at this situation the wrong way -- this is your time for laying the groundwork. start your media infiltration and propaganda campaign now, make the masses love you, and the day you come of age they won't even bother holding an election, they'll just fast track you to the oval office. i mean, with policies like that, who is going to disagree?
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
CS...I'll be running for president in 2008, the first presidential election year in which I'll be eligible. I will, of course, be looking for people to fill important cabinet posts once elected...large campaign donations can go a long way towards securing a post...
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
CS...I'll be running for president in 2008, the first presidential election year in which I'll be eligible. I will, of course, be looking for people to fill important cabinet posts once elected...large campaign donations can go a long way towards securing a post...


Well there's a problem with that. 2008 will be the first election year in which I'll be eligible as well.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Oooh. Hmmmm. Chocolate? Would that come with a babysitter and a day at the spa? Ok, it doesn't have to be the spa. It could just be the movies! I know who will get MY vote!
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
CS...I'll be running for president in 2008, the first presidential election year in which I'll be eligible.


After careful consideration, I have decided to allow you to be my VP. Problem solved.