Waiting and Waiting

June 20, 2004 6:22 PM from

You know it is a nice day here...A good one to be outside with someone you love or care about...But what to do if you don't have someone like that?? Like me I feel like I dont have anyone that cares about me. My family doesnt really accept me anymore because of various things...I havent even called my dad for fathers day because I feel like he wont care whether he talks to me or not anyway...I cant blame him for everything but the way he did my mom and it really makes me wonder if that is the reason i am the way i am over men....its like i fall head over heels for them really quiickly and I make a total ass of myself. Doing anything for them...then i get mad and wonder why? why me? I already know the answer to that question....Men will only do what you allow them to...If you show them that you will be there everytime they call... then they are such wezals and pick up real quick in their mind 'hey she jumps everytime i call...so if i do this then she will do that and will never know what i am doing'. Then you will be waiting and waiting likeme for them to show up and or call and neither one happens when you think it is going to. Basically, put your life on hold to see when he is going come home. However, if you let them know from the jump that your not gonna take their shit and that you really dont need them for anything then they will be more likely to think 'hey she's really not kidding, if i want her then i better chill'. (more likely to obey!) But sometimes you get that really sneaky wezal that thinks 'shit what do i need her for, i'm already doing this shit anyway, pussy comes dime a dozen, i can get somemore of that too. no big deal'.....And that right there is the type I have... he says all of the right things at the right times and gets away with far more than he should...he says that he has never been with another girl since he has been with me...but that has to be a lie, because not too long ago...it comes out that he might have a kid...well of course he says that its not his but he acted upset when he found out....then he changes it and says it might be his but still says that he hasnt been with anyone else....ok i was not born this morning ok!....then he pop it on him that if that baby is this age and it takes this long to have a baby then that means he had been with someone else while he was with me...he just gets mad and starts saying i don't know...bullshit...I am getting fed up of just waiting and waiting but its like that is what i have been doing for so long that its all i know i really dont have friends and then when i try to get some he gets mad if they call and accuses me of shit...its like he doesnt want me to have friends or a life he says he does but but its like that is all for show...and he likes it when i am here waiting and waiting.... I know that it seems easy to say...Just leave but its not that simple..i hate it i want to go home but i dont feel like i can even the curfew is not bad but i wont have a key to the house and will have to be there when they are there..I dont like that. its like they dont trust me...im just hoping for better days not waiting and waiting...

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