Read and feedback, please.

Although I am not a poetry lover I could not help but be struck by how shaken this left, me, I am very in tune with fear, {I feed off of it} much like a predator.

Great Images, and like whip am curious what caused this, fear to rise.

BTW I actually got the format of the poem, something very unusual for little ol me.

Whip, MM, I thank you both for your kind words. (Especially coming from you, Sabrina, whose poetry I hold in high regard.)

I don't know what caused this, but it came, and here it is. Glad you enjoyed it.

I have to admit, I am worthless when it comes to poetry.

Can you explain the sense of dread to me amidst a nice sunrise and being in close proximity of the one you love?

Just so you can fix me, as I read this, here is what I saw. You wake up before she does. A sunrise is dawning - a beautiful one. But you feel a sense of dread during all of this.

Now here's a guess. This is about potential loss? Perhaps based on either your past or someone else's?

Hook me up...I suck with poetry.

I had to read it again, because I did so too quickly the first time!lol! Also because I had to clarify the writing style since I wasn't familiar with it. Admittedly it took some getting used to, the repitiveness. However, what I was looking for was the fluidity of your words, which I found and it helped me to understand what you were saying.

I liked it but it seems like there needs to be more to the turmult of emotions, as if there's some explosion waiting to happen, almost for closure! Other than that, I liked it! [you asked for feedback!]

This is about potential loss? Perhaps based on either your past or someone else's?

This is probably the closest explanation you'd get. That sense of dread, that sense of longing, that sense of not wanting the moment to end but the horror that it might. Thanks for your adroit analysis.

as if there's some explosion waiting to happen, almost for closure!

I appreciate the feedback. Looking at the poem, I see what you're getting at, but I like the lack of closure. Closure is overrated.

All I can say is well done, mate. This is a great piece well executed. You've also provided me with another challenge. Away I go to tackle the pantoum myself...

Closure is overrated.

excellent!

You know how I feel about Poetry (not the capitalization), but this was very good and (surprisingly) enjoyable. Thanks!

Maso, Nicky, Moskowitz . . . I thank you all for the read. (You especially, Buddah, who usually eschews such "Poetic" affectations . . . )

I'm excited to see what you might do with the form, Mark. It's challenging, but seeing how you can change the way a sentence feels by placing it in two different locations, surrounded by different lines, is fun as all get out.

I think it's better than okay. To me, it's outstanding. I liked how it gets better with repeated readings.



When I first read your poem I didn't even see the link explaining the poetry form pantoum. After going to the link and seeing how the set up is I was even more impressed. Great job, San Cho.

If you ever make it a JU Writing Challenge make it open for a few months. I will need all the time I can get to attempt one.

I'm not a literary critic but I liked it and I'm not usually much of a poetry girl. Though I did have my teenage poetry years reading such heartbreaking poems such as the ones about teens dying in car crashes while Stairway to Heaven was playing on the radio. Okay that's before my time but you get the idea.

I absolutely don't like poetry, at all, unless humorous.. But I have a love of poetry formats which makes me, once in a while, check out some poetry just to see where the rhymes are.

So, I avoided this thread for a while, but, I've finally read it.

I am intrigued by the format, repeating lines. You were able to fit them in nicely. Judging by the comments of others, it also presented quite a picture too. Not being much for imagery, I definitely missed out - but from a wordplay view, it was very well done indeed.

The last stanza is supposed to repeat the first stanza backwards? That through me a little. I thought it would end more circularly, with the stanzas able to be started in any place. I like that it provides a concrete beginning and end for the poem, though.

Gotta agree with you there...I leave a lot of my work "open". I think it's better that way, personally!

Very impressive, especially for a first attempt. 

I feel the dread, but don't really get a feeling of the source. 

wow...
that poem was like a feeling but in words you know? Very rarely can someone actually make the reader FEEL the tension and fear that the poem conveys...so very cool on your part. I am so extremely impressed! NICE WORK!!!!
S.C.