reality tv scared off my spaceship
http://www.loserturdmafia.com/
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Some years ago, someone remarked to me that, if aliens were to watch our television programming, they would inevitably come to several conclusions about the residents of our planet.
That we are mostly tall and thin. That most of our women are blondes.
That our females are so smart that they’re independently rich enough to wear fifty dollar silk panties and feel “okay about it” ...
... yet so silly to allow themselves to be parted with said panties at the approach of any male in possession of a dashing name to match his inherited millions.
*yawns*
That our men have booming authoritive voices that make women say “you always know exactly what to do, you big man, you” ...
... yet are still possessed of magic wands capable of fixing any problem for even the most troubled of women.
So, when I read an article in “New Scientist” magazine that reported a recent, but quite marked reduction in the reporting of “ufo” sightings and other such extraterrestrial ”evidence”, I for one was not surprised.
They have obviously been watching reality tv “up there”.
They have worked out that, if left to our own devices in a house all day with no meaningful occupation to speak of, we do not assume languid poses on couches in designer clothing and accept important-sounding calls whilst simultaneously running a business empire, fielding more passes than your average footballer and looking fantastic, darling while we’re doing it.
They instead know that, given the freedom to do whatever we want, all we seem to want to do is declare love for each after 5 minutes based solely on proximity, obsess over each others’ hygiene habits (or lack thereof), and utter such profound life changing things as “I am such an idiot sometimes”.
They’re up there. right now. Saying “we’d better rethink that whole Earth thing. It looks like they’re in evolutionary regression down there. anyway, these suits are never going to fit THEM ... and look, look there, look at that one ! ... it’s doing it ! ... hey, ed, come over here and look at this ..."
"... The loud one is doing it again !. It’s trying to herd the others, I think, because it’s the largest ... no, wait, wait, I think it’s unhappy ... well, that’s what they DO when they’re unhappy ... yes, I know it’s strange, but wait ‘til you see what they do when they like each other ...”
Thankyou, Big Brother. Now I’ll never get home
...