My own little Altar
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
I have to give a little background here. Roomie and I have teased Wookie in the past about this little "shrine" he has to his exgirlfriend that he is *still* desperately in love with, despite what may be the second worst relationship I have ever seen. It was just that horrible. However, he's still madly in love with her and has a couple of pictures up on a bookshelf in his living room. There's a candle beside it, so Roomie and I have named the Whore Shrine... cause that's what we call his ex. The Whore. Yeah... she kind of cheated... a lot. More than my ex did.. that's an accomplishment folks. So, he's still in love with The Whore, which is the cause of quite a lot of his problems. That will figure in later folks, I'm sure. However, here I am. About to create my own little shrine for ya folks.
I was cleaning out the really old emails at the bottom of my yahoo email inbox today and I found a lot of the old love letters Ex had sent me before he came to Virginia to live with me. Back when we were still full of potential and all of the good things were yet to come. Just like Wookie's picutres. The pictures are younger pictures of her, before she became The Whore. That's the part that he misses so horribly. I miss those parts too in my own relationship. However, with all of the horrible things that were to come, I couldn't do it again. He is the only regret I have in my life. Even though things have turned out fairly well for me now (except for the shit load of homework that I have yet to do and am currently stalling from doing), I don't think I would have gone through it. If I could do it over again, I would. I would have never moved out to this crazy Mid-western State that's *exceptionally* obsessed with basketball at the moment. I would have stayed back in Virginia. I would have been there with my mom. I would have already been in school most likely. But, then again... I would have never met Ogre, Roomie and Wookie... especially Wookie.
So, this is my own little corner of sacred internet hallowed ground. I claim this blog as my own little altar. I'm posting up the old love letters. You can read them if you want. I just wanted to preserve the one good thing I had left. The one thing that I do miss. Before everything went so horribly, horribly wrong. I know I have rambled to this point, and I appreciate your hanging in there with me.
First letter saved:
I've deleted greetings for the most part and omitted signatures. But they are all from my ex to me.
"I just wanted you to know that i love you with all my heart. i also
wanted to tell you that i cannot wait to speak with you tonight. i feel
so lonesome and what to just be with you. i know that probably sounds
cheesy but oh well.i miss you so much and i find myself longing to hear you
voice and i am also suffering from anxiety because of the wait 'til
halloween. At any rate... I Love you so much that i can not begin to even to go into
the slightest detail for it would be so long til i reached the end. i have
not felt this way in a long time. in most of my past lives i have always
been a recluse. always shying away from society. but not this one my love. you
have given to me a most precious gift and i give you my heart. well i just
got home at 1037 and i am going to bed.
Love,
Second One
i am emailing you right after we talked to keep you more company. i
just
wanted to let you know that i love you more than anything in this
world. You
are my everything my precious. i love you with all my heart and more.
Love you always and forever,
Third One
My love your words touch me deeper than any ocean and flow through me
stronger than any river. i am yours bend me shape me all you want. i
love
you and always shall my precious beauty. hugs and kisses and with your
love
i am never alone for you are with me. I love you. Thee thee thee.
Love always and even past the time i cease to breathe i will love you
and in
the lives to come will love you,
Fourth One
It worked fine love. I am going to email you again. You mean so much to
me.
i love you so much. i cannot say that enough. i want to spend the rest
of my
days with you. i want to hold you, protect you, i want you. i love you
more
than anything that exsists in the entire universe. i would do anything
for
you. and though we be miles apart i want you to know that you are in my
heart. i love you so very much.
Forever your love
Fifth One
Truly this new world is far better than that of the one in which we
lived
in. together this world is ours alone to share and cherish together.
all my
life i have been waiting for you and it seemed as if i would have never
found you but fate brought us together and now we can enjoy each other
in
ways unfathomable to the outside world. you are my everything, you are
the
wind beneath my wings, the rock that supports me through my troubles,
and
the flower that shows me the beauty of this world. Amanda, you are my
love.
nothing is ever or can ever change that. i loved you then, i love you
now
and i will always love you in the future. i have to leave for work now
but i
want you to know that as long as you are in my heart, i am never alone.
i
love you always and for ever in our next lives i swear to find you and
be
with you there as well.
Love always and beyond forever,
Sixth One
If I could save Time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
'Til Eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you
If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you
CHORUS:
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with
If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you
(Repeat Chorus)
/A/
I love you my precious,
*note - our song was Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce
Seventh One:
> Bear, nothing in this world could make me leave you short of you not
wanting
> me anymore. that is the only thing. i will always be here and would
never
> abandon you. you have all of me my light and my dark my soul as well
as my
> heart. do not worry about me being angry or the such over your
emails, if
i
> am ever angry i am still calm and compassionate. we can talk things
through
> and it would not be a one way thing i am a listener. however i do not
think
> i will ever get angry with you. never as long as i live and breathe
will i
> get angry at you. Mandy i completely understand you feelings and
worries.
> but you need not worry about such things. i love every part of you as
well
> and i welcome you to enjoy every part of me.
>
Lost track of what number I'm on One:
Title is everything
> The darkest twilights of my soul
> Where no being dares to go
> along with the brightest lights
> where everything is alright
>
> i give this all to you
> because i know that this is true
> and though we lie miles apart
> i still will keep you in my heart
>
> To Bear From Drake
>
> A poem for m"lady, i hope you like it. tell me what you think
So there you have it. I've omitted a few because they were just too flakey to share.. or about some topic that I *really* don't want to have to explain about. Somethings are just too personal m'dears. My old love letters are out to bare. I know they are corny. Aren't they all when you are in freshly in love? Some of them are just amazingly... yeah. I can't begin to describe. But... I believe they were sincere and heartfelt. Who knew what was to come? My own little altar. However, mine is of the variety of the kind built to mourn something's passing... not wait hopelessly for it's return.
I was cleaning out the really old emails at the bottom of my yahoo email inbox today and I found a lot of the old love letters Ex had sent me before he came to Virginia to live with me. Back when we were still full of potential and all of the good things were yet to come. Just like Wookie's picutres. The pictures are younger pictures of her, before she became The Whore. That's the part that he misses so horribly. I miss those parts too in my own relationship. However, with all of the horrible things that were to come, I couldn't do it again. He is the only regret I have in my life. Even though things have turned out fairly well for me now (except for the shit load of homework that I have yet to do and am currently stalling from doing), I don't think I would have gone through it. If I could do it over again, I would. I would have never moved out to this crazy Mid-western State that's *exceptionally* obsessed with basketball at the moment. I would have stayed back in Virginia. I would have been there with my mom. I would have already been in school most likely. But, then again... I would have never met Ogre, Roomie and Wookie... especially Wookie.
So, this is my own little corner of sacred internet hallowed ground. I claim this blog as my own little altar. I'm posting up the old love letters. You can read them if you want. I just wanted to preserve the one good thing I had left. The one thing that I do miss. Before everything went so horribly, horribly wrong. I know I have rambled to this point, and I appreciate your hanging in there with me.
First letter saved:
I've deleted greetings for the most part and omitted signatures. But they are all from my ex to me.
"I just wanted you to know that i love you with all my heart. i also
wanted to tell you that i cannot wait to speak with you tonight. i feel
so lonesome and what to just be with you. i know that probably sounds
cheesy but oh well.i miss you so much and i find myself longing to hear you
voice and i am also suffering from anxiety because of the wait 'til
halloween. At any rate... I Love you so much that i can not begin to even to go into
the slightest detail for it would be so long til i reached the end. i have
not felt this way in a long time. in most of my past lives i have always
been a recluse. always shying away from society. but not this one my love. you
have given to me a most precious gift and i give you my heart. well i just
got home at 1037 and i am going to bed.
Love,
Second One
i am emailing you right after we talked to keep you more company. i
just
wanted to let you know that i love you more than anything in this
world. You
are my everything my precious. i love you with all my heart and more.
Love you always and forever,
Third One
My love your words touch me deeper than any ocean and flow through me
stronger than any river. i am yours bend me shape me all you want. i
love
you and always shall my precious beauty. hugs and kisses and with your
love
i am never alone for you are with me. I love you. Thee thee thee.
Love always and even past the time i cease to breathe i will love you
and in
the lives to come will love you,
Fourth One
It worked fine love. I am going to email you again. You mean so much to
me.
i love you so much. i cannot say that enough. i want to spend the rest
of my
days with you. i want to hold you, protect you, i want you. i love you
more
than anything that exsists in the entire universe. i would do anything
for
you. and though we be miles apart i want you to know that you are in my
heart. i love you so very much.
Forever your love
Fifth One
Truly this new world is far better than that of the one in which we
lived
in. together this world is ours alone to share and cherish together.
all my
life i have been waiting for you and it seemed as if i would have never
found you but fate brought us together and now we can enjoy each other
in
ways unfathomable to the outside world. you are my everything, you are
the
wind beneath my wings, the rock that supports me through my troubles,
and
the flower that shows me the beauty of this world. Amanda, you are my
love.
nothing is ever or can ever change that. i loved you then, i love you
now
and i will always love you in the future. i have to leave for work now
but i
want you to know that as long as you are in my heart, i am never alone.
i
love you always and for ever in our next lives i swear to find you and
be
with you there as well.
Love always and beyond forever,
Sixth One
If I could save Time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
'Til Eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you
If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you
CHORUS:
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with
If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you
(Repeat Chorus)
/A/
I love you my precious,
*note - our song was Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce
Seventh One:
> Bear, nothing in this world could make me leave you short of you not
wanting
> me anymore. that is the only thing. i will always be here and would
never
> abandon you. you have all of me my light and my dark my soul as well
as my
> heart. do not worry about me being angry or the such over your
emails, if
i
> am ever angry i am still calm and compassionate. we can talk things
through
> and it would not be a one way thing i am a listener. however i do not
think
> i will ever get angry with you. never as long as i live and breathe
will i
> get angry at you. Mandy i completely understand you feelings and
worries.
> but you need not worry about such things. i love every part of you as
well
> and i welcome you to enjoy every part of me.
>
Lost track of what number I'm on One:
Title is everything
> The darkest twilights of my soul
> Where no being dares to go
> along with the brightest lights
> where everything is alright
>
> i give this all to you
> because i know that this is true
> and though we lie miles apart
> i still will keep you in my heart
>
> To Bear From Drake
>
> A poem for m"lady, i hope you like it. tell me what you think
So there you have it. I've omitted a few because they were just too flakey to share.. or about some topic that I *really* don't want to have to explain about. Somethings are just too personal m'dears. My old love letters are out to bare. I know they are corny. Aren't they all when you are in freshly in love? Some of them are just amazingly... yeah. I can't begin to describe. But... I believe they were sincere and heartfelt. Who knew what was to come? My own little altar. However, mine is of the variety of the kind built to mourn something's passing... not wait hopelessly for it's return.