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Before I begin there were some technical issues - 1) The “Lower the Tax Rate” panel – your tax rate is already on low, and changing it to ‘none’ has no effect on pioneer training speed that I can tell (maybe I was looking in the wrong place). The picture in the tutorial shows it being normal initially. 2) The game hung one time (permanently) when I tried to move Procipinee to the bottom right forest tile next to where you're supposed to set up the iron mine. This is where part of the map is supposed to be revealed for the tutorial, I assume that's why it hung up.
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I was going to try to tackle all of the grammar stuff in the game, and I still plan to, but I'm sure the dev team has better things to do and first impressions are important so... here are some revisions to the tutorial text and a few things that show up in the tutorial. I may add more to this thread later, or I may make a new thread.
Some things may seem picky, like consistent capitalization, but I'm just fixing as much as I see, it's not up to me whether these changes get put in. I'm also not changing up the style or the tone or addressing anything like that, this is strictly copyediting at a base level.
I will highlight words that are revised. Sometimes, in order to have pasteable text, I will not show where a comma is removed – I will just highlight the two words around it.
TUTORIAL:
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Your first step is to found your Capital.
To do so, select your Sovereign and then click the ‘Settle’ button.
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You’ve built your Capital, giving the wandering people of the world safe haven.
Select your city, and then click the ‘Build’ button to construct your first improvement.
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east (uncapitalize, it's in the 2nd paragraph)
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Here lies a stack of crates
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A in this title should be lowercase (in this case it’s a font with all uppercase but it should be smaller)
east
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A case contains an old spear, a veteran of many battles. Despite its age and the countless battles it has been used in, it is still a formidable weapon.
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Put a comma after ogres (to be consistent with other serial commas used in the game, most style manuals say to put the final comma and only AP style says it is optional)
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lie beneath
east
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There are rumors of a gathering darkness in the forest east of your realm.
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Recruit Champion (Othollo)
Othollo’s text is a mess, but it’s “conversational” so I’m going to leave it (and other character text unless just flat out wrong) alone for now. Even for conversational text it needs some work.
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The rumors are true; a deadly Earth elemental has awoken in the eastern forest.
Send your Sovereign and Champion to attack this monster before it threatens your kingdom.
(this is the one time I will actually add a semicolon - there are way too many semicolons throughout the game but this sortof requires it unless the sentence is rewritten)
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Nobles’ Revolt
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That's it for the tutorial. There are many more for the start of the game, but I'll address those later.
Sorry for being a Grammar Nazi, but... well I think it's necessary at this point.
