Ridiculous Requests for Upcoming Patches

By on September 23, 2010 9:20:30 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Istari

Join Date 03/2006
+24

Long day at work, groggy and loopy, disclaimer finished.

[EDIT] -Bear Cavalry

-Add a game feature or quest that changes the box art to reflect the game.

-Players should get to use two Sovereigns if they received a double shipment of the game by mistake.

-Put in a 'Ye Olde Mechanic' unit that can alter game mechanics from within the game, then take a long holiday.

-Create a quest where you have to find a male frog and try to misinterpret his dialogue and read too much into it.

-Add in a cheat where if you type 'Old man, you seek the Spell of Mastery.', Elemental exits and launches MoM in DOSBox.

-Make it so that all Sovereigns share the same mana pool, and have to play 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' to decide who gets to regenerate each turn.

-Watchtowers should manufacture watches.

-Fishing as a food resource where the fish provide food returns based on the patented 'Juicy Sweetness' rating system by Smeagol.

-Players should have the ability to Give Karma to other Sovereigns through the Diplomacy screens.

-Milk should be listed as a sub-resource to Food, and needs to be watched constantly on a per-city, per-turn basis to check if it has gone bad. The Sovereign has to be in the city to personally inspect the Milk stores.

-Elemental should be free to all those who purchased Elemental before playing v1.1 after buying expansion 1.B if they didn't purchase Elemental before playing expansion 1.A.

-Admiral Ozzel should be punished for coming out of hyperspace too close to the Hoth system.

-In campaign mode, a *Spoiler Warning* should pop-up before any reveals or story progression.

-New terrain type - 'Carpet'.

-Terrain tiles should light up when the Sovereign walks on them, just like Michael Jackson in the Billie Jean video clip. The Sovereigns should also be singing Billie Jean as they walk.

-Units positioned in front of Archers should be subject to friendly fire. There should also be a percentage chance that a fight starts up as a result.

-Units trapped between enemy influence zones should be able to spend one turn maneuvering as though they were trying to get past laser security sensors.

-In tactical combat, Attack, Damage, and Defense should be combined into a single statistic and rolled with a 2 sided dice. A roll of '1' results in auto-fail, whereas conversely, a roll of '2' results in manual-fail. This is due to the real world problem associated with a 2 sided dice.

-Add in a nuclear spell that causes other Sovereigns to get nervous. The Sovereign researching or casting the nuclear spell can cleverly and diplomatically disguise it as just an 'Update Schedule' to avoid a backlash.

-Female Sovereigns should be able to research the 'Spell of Faking' for the win.

-The Master Quest should be to cause the game to crash and report the error.

-A message from The Bishop: "I foretold of your folly. These lands rightfully belong to the Church. And I will have them!".

-All your modding tools are belong to us!

-Redefine 'Multiplayer' to include AI opponents.

-Bastion should say my name.

-Organized Teleport. Units teleport at the same speed as the Sovereign, even if the Sovereign has Hyperwarp and those units only have Ion Drive.

-A mana pool should be something a Sovereign uses to drive other people's kids to school in.

-The casting cost of spells should be measured in Flower Petals.

-New Weakness Trait - 'Unhelpful Complainer'. Resource accumulation is slowed and morale suffers as the Unhelpful Complainer whips their soldiers during combat in an effort to explain to them that they mustn't die. -50.

-For added realism and immersion, the Sovereign should spend 2 out of 3 turns sleeping.

 

...... Feel free to add more. I'm about to drop off where I sit.

 

**[Updated]**


-Speech bubbles for NPCs with Tourettes Syndrome.


-Add in NPCs who have Tourettes Syndrome.


-New Equipment Slot - 'Hair clip'.


-Currency exchange system between Kingdom and Empire factions.


-Offspring should have a 9pm curfew.


-New Spell - 'Differentiate Spell'. This spell acts as an addon to existing spells and adds a random effect in addition to the standard effect of the spell. 'Differentiate Spell' can be be used to target 'Differentiate Spell'.


-We need a quest that allows our Sovereigns to know what magic is.


-New Spell - 'Mirror Image'. 1dN illusory images of target unit are created on adjacent tiles in tactical battle. The appearance of these images varies in accordance with the different types of funhouse mirrors. There is a 67.32% chance that the images become frightened of one another and disappear.


-Special fencing needs to be erected to prevent younger offspring from drowning in the Global Mana Pool.


-The image translators should work for the construct program, so the whole game will be displayed as scrolling XML code.


-New Spell - 'Returnification'. This spell attempts to return your troops to the nearest city, but ultimately fails.


-AI opponents should have a Chess mini-game to play while they wait for the Human player to 'End Turn'.


-New Quest - 'The Quest to end all Quests'. Makes it so that there are no more quests in the game.


-The Conquest Victory option should be described on the box or in the manual as such: 'To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.'


-New Unit - 'The Mouthguard of Sauron'. He just really needed to have something cover those teeth.


-Bring back Firefly.


-New Plane - 'Arc anus'. (Too cheap?)


-New Unit - 'Stupid fat hobbit'.


-Greedo was secretly in love with Han Solo, and couldn't bring himself to hurt him.


-New City Enchantment - 'Levitating City'. The enchanted city rises 10cm off the ground. This spell incurs a once-off materials cost, as a single step needs to be placed before every outer door of every building to avoid lawsuits from people tripping over to get inside.


-New Weakness Trait - 'Gibson's Disease'. Your Sovereign develops a tendency to randomly spout racism and beat their spouses. You receive a penalty to diplomacy, fewer offspring, and the ability to know what women want. -30.


-Magic Stamps. Rather than being imbued, champions line up at the Magical Welfare office once every 7 turns to receive allocated 'Magic Stamps' from the Sovereign. The stamps will be fluorescent pink.


-To make tactical combat more interesting, have some random units begin combat within enemy ranks, but facing their own side. It should take 1dN combat turns for them to figure out their mistake, until which they will fight for the enemy.


-Sovereigns should communicate through two cups tied to a long piece of string.


-New Race - 'Vegetarian Cannibals'. They're not vegan though, so they can still eat dairy made from their women's breast milk. (Too gross?)

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October 18, 2010 4:04:27 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Where is the nuke spell?  Just my sovereign against an empire or nation and BOOM!  Just cut right through. Sort of like an Elemental Rambo in a way.

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October 18, 2010 4:04:48 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Make the game fun.

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October 18, 2010 4:33:27 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

What we really need is a "kool yet reasonable request for upcoming patches" thread.

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October 18, 2010 4:50:06 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Quoting cpl_rk,
What we really need is a "kool yet reasonable request for upcoming patches" thread.

 

*In the voice of Uncle Zian from Kickboxer*

Take your productivity and leave my house!

 

Do you mean to say that all these well thought out requests from the community are all unreasonable? Is everyone else wrong, and you're the only one who's right? So arrogant.

These requests may be ridiculous, but that doesn't make them unreasonable. Many people have put in their time and effort to contribute nothing to this game, and while their requests are completely unreasonable, that doesn't mean they aren't worth implementing. Honestly, where do you get off putting down all these wonderful ideas? Ideas that should never under any circumstance be implemented into this game. You really have some nerve coming here, and spouting your illogical, baseless and contradictive hate theories.

Just.... just go away. And don't come back 'til Mickelmas Tuesday!

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October 19, 2010 5:33:41 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

I want the civ tech research for pubs to unlock birthday parties and desserts. i need at least 5 varieties of cake to choose from, with an ideal list ranging at about 20 different types. Each of my kids and grandchildren should be able to have their own unique coming of age ceremony. We need to open up the clown tech through diplomacy, the balloon animal twister through magic, the board games through civ, the tug of rope combined with pinata through adventuring/ domination tech and finally the gladiator arena through warfare. This will give me the options i need to celebrate all my children, whether they are the gentle farmers that will hug a tree and heal the world or the blood thirsty dictator in training that will smite my enemies. After all, what else are children for ?

 

HEY WAIT A MINUTE SOMEONE GAVE ME A KARMA 

I tracked down that person and gave him a hug 

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October 19, 2010 7:17:13 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Quoting Glowing_Ember,
I want the civ tech research for pubs to unlock birthday parties and desserts. i need at least 5 varieties of cake to choose from, with an ideal list ranging at about 20 different types.

 

Well, you'll need some other adventure tech to do that: unlock oat field, wheat field, corn field, soja field, sugar field. You already have the beehive so ok for the honney but what about chocolate tree? Maybe in the magic branch for this one

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October 19, 2010 7:19:02 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

I think an absolute must for 1.1 is space unicorns. Riding bears.

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October 19, 2010 7:48:21 AM from Stardock Forums Stardock Forums

i think i should just copy the source code of MoM or AoWs... but i guess ideas would be better

i think some Majors would be make Races feel more unique like having to have a certain Social Society, education and Values. broken down into their own areas then just one big spot of Strengths and Weakness

spells need more work need to give more work To the Empire and Kingdom Spell books Life and Ruin ... wouldn't mind some undead with Ruin. sry if dubble post

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October 19, 2010 10:13:40 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Quoting KillzEmAllGod,
i think i should just copy the source code of MoM or AoWs... but i guess ideas would be better

Why not copy both? That's bound to work twice as well!

For real magic suggestions (such as on the death book) try this one.

 

@ Glowing_Ember

Clown infantry. Now there's a scary thought. Especially when you find a Little Red Car resource. You only need one for a full company.

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October 19, 2010 10:32:09 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

The AoW source has yet to be released, so it would be impossible to copy it without breaking the terms of use agreement.

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October 19, 2010 10:56:16 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

You could recreate it on the Jagged Alliance 2 engine?  Would just look a bit odd when your unicorn riders would be rapelling down from a chopper...

Actually... consider that a contribution. Replace chopper with floating island or so...

Floating islands could only be built on patches of confused earth. A spin doctor would be required to fly the new island by convincing the earth that it's lighter than air.

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October 19, 2010 1:27:30 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Confused earth. I like that. Will definitely use that name in a mod somewhere down the line. It begs all kinds of questions from the user, like - why is the ground confused? How is it confused? Can I clear things up for it?

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October 19, 2010 4:23:48 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Quoting Heavenfall,
I think an absolute must for 1.1 is space unicorns. Riding bears.

Side saddle?

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October 19, 2010 6:43:08 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Quoting Heavenfall,
I think an absolute must for 1.1 is space unicorns.

Why? To give the pink space ponies an enemy? Miniature giant space hamsters would be better.

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October 19, 2010 10:04:24 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

miniature fire breathing sabre-toothed giant carnivorous phase doppelganger half-dragon leviathan Tyrannohamstersaurus rex.

there used to be a master list with about 60 variations on space hamster but i can't seem to google it atm.

 

 

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October 20, 2010 9:19:27 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

I want to arm my sovereign with a tommy gun.

 

Also, I would like an in game interpreter. It should look like Helen Keller, and give me the advice i need in sign language based off of all the mistakes i am doing. It should be good advice that will enable me to win. If i ignore her advice, she should scream at me until i follow her advice properly. If i ignore her advice for more than 50 turns, she should spank the sovereign and take away dinner.

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October 21, 2010 2:16:21 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

I want to be able to uncover godzilla with the adventure tech. Then i want to be able to unlock through a combination of civ and war tech the ability to build mechagodzilla so they can fight each other. Moth-rah should be unlocked by magic tech and finally lionel should be unlocked through diplomacy tech. Yeah. That oughtta make for a great brawl. Bring it on Sorceress cuz evilyn wants a piece of the action. But. I don't want she-ra because her sword was far too versatile. Takes the fun out of the game.

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October 21, 2010 7:23:00 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Quoting Gwenio1,

Quoting Heavenfall, reply 82I think an absolute must for 1.1 is space unicorns.
Why? To give the pink space ponies an enemy? Miniature giant space hamsters would be better.

 

I think Hamtaro fit your description . Also, it would be nice to have a stargate, so we can incorporate MoO in this game and try to conquer the universe! Or maybe use the engine of Spore and we begin the life after the cataclysm

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October 21, 2010 10:55:41 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Come to think of it - what happens when you cast the Spell of Mastery in WoM? What if you fumble the cast? Great cataclysm all over again?

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October 21, 2010 3:53:37 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Gazz Gazz Gazz. Silly human. What do you think started the Hamtaro phenomenon in the first place ?

 

Also we need two new sovereign NPCs

Tim the Enchanter.

Pug the Magician.

 

I want Cho-ja Warriors !!

and someone needs to make a mod that replaces Janusk with Macros the Black.

 

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October 21, 2010 4:52:29 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Quoting Glowing_Ember,
Gazz Gazz Gazz. Silly human. What do you think started the Hamtaro phenomenon in the first place ?

 

Also we need two new sovereign NPCs

Tim the Enchanter.

Pug the Magician.

 

I want Cho-ja Warriors !!

and someone needs to make a mod that replaces Janusk with Macros the Black.

 

Firstly, if Pug was a rival Sov, then game over.

Secondly, if Macros the Black was your adviser, it would take you completely out of the equation, as he would just manipulate you into doing everything from the future he foresees, so you might as well not be playing.

Thirdly, Cho-ja would completely freak me out, so..... no.

Fourthly, is Hamtaro anything like Motaro from Mortal Kombat? 'Cos that would be sweet.

Fifthly, I got three out of five of your references, yay!

Sixthly, saying sixthly is not easy. Go on, try it, I'll wait..................... aha, you see?

 

Quoting Gazz_,
Come to think of it - what happens when you cast the Spell of Mastery in WoM? What if you fumble the cast? Great cataclysm all over again?

No, you just go home with the consolation prize, with the presenter fake smiling at you and telling you quite condescendingly that you made a good effort and thanks for playing. You then become impotent.

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October 21, 2010 11:28:04 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Quoting Gazz_,
Come to think of it - what happens when you cast the Spell of Mastery in WoM? What if you fumble the cast? Great cataclysm all over again?

It simulates the effect of a infinite state probability drive, as the spell can do anything and you are no longer controlling it.

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October 22, 2010 12:11:13 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

pssst! (Hamtaros are talking hamster, pass it on)

 

ALSO-  i would like a spell to summon the imp from the 5th dimension, whose name may not be said.

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October 22, 2010 2:24:48 PM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

Quoting Glowing_Ember,
pssst! (Hamtaros are talking hamster, pass it on)

 

ALSO-  i would like a spell to summon the imp from the 5th dimension, whose name may not be said.

 

Only if the imp is all yellow and have some follower with him doing an act .

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October 25, 2010 8:11:13 AM from Elemental Forums Elemental Forums

you know, i actually had to double check that to make sure we were talking about the same person 

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